Ikhtiʁa ~

Who is big?

2011-10-12T00:01:00.001+05:00

I am the smallest in family. All of them are big and they are always ready to recall that they are larger then me. I have 3 bhai and 1 appa. I love amma papa they let me use cell phone bhai and appa never let me. They think they know about laptop but they don’t know, I know about the password. They think little I think big so who is big? we sleep in one room so I know big and sab (everything). I know appa read novel chup chup k in course book I know big bhai tells sab kuch sotay way. 2 walay bhai 1 walay ka gel use in washroom raat ko chup chup k and take pictures. 3 walay bhai pee in his bed and change and subah ko say I did it. I know sab they dont knwo k I know so who is big?

P.S (all is work of fiction)

Me aur Barish <3

2011-09-11T04:57:00.001+05:00

Me aur barish akele thay. Asma’n pe wo jalwafigan thi aur zamen par main jalwagar. Har ik khush tha aur me, me muntazir. Suna tha main ne k ye barish jumood ka hai ayi qatl karne, umeed ka phir diya jalanay. Thakan zada har ik matti k na-khuda ki piyas bujhanay, magar hoa to kuch ye mukhtalif hai. Jo dikhtee’n hun nazar utha kar to tamam matti hai pani paani aur jo nazar jhukaon to manzar bilkul he mukhtalif hai. Me pyas apni bhuja to lun par zameen e dil par ye khoo’n ki lariyan abhi bhi halke halke sisak raheen hain. Ye dheere dheere machal raheen hain, mujhe aur barish ko tak rahi hain…

- unhinGed ~

Mushkil batain!

2011-06-02T16:55:00.001+05:00

Amma kehti theen jhoot naheen bolte. Main ne poocha bhi ‘Amma! jhoot kia hota hai’. Kehnay lageen ‘Jiska wajood ho he na wo jhoot hai’, bas tab se aj tak main yaqeen o be yaqeeni k kaifiyat main dolte hoay zindagi naam k is bhayanak khooni samandar me hr ati jati lehron k saath dol ri hun. Amma ghalat to kehteen nahi theen par jo wo kehti theen wto aj hai he naheen mojood. Wo kehti theen ‘hum sab k oper bhi koi hai jo dekhayi naheen deta par hai’, magar yahan to har koi apne ap main KHUDA hai. Unhon ne sekhaya tha ‘Dost saath rahain na rahain dosti saath rehti hai’, par amma sach dosti hoi ya jhoot dost?
Jab hath main chot ayi thi tab patti karte hoay amma ne kaha tha ‘nazar anay walay zakhmon se gheray wo ghao hotay hain jo dekhte naheen’, to unki patti kiun naheen karta koi? Log jo dekhte hain, jo sunte hain wohi to wo mante naheen. To kia jhoot wo hai jo nazar naheen ata ya sach wo hai jo zahir hai… Shayed Amma he mushkil batain karti theen…

Yak-tarfa (One sided)

2011-05-27T16:44:00.001+05:00

Koi tum se bhi, ab! agar poochay to tum bhi keh dena, ye sab rishtay ajab he hain. Sab he ke rang niralay hain. Koi ehsaas ki manind hameesha saath rehta hai, koi chand ki manind bdli me chupta phir nikalta hai, koi phol ke jaise nazakat se sanwarta hai or koi kaanch ke jaise hameesha chubhta rehta hai. Ye sab rishta alag se hain sab he k andaz juda se hain. Magar yeh sab yaak-tarfa rishte hain. Mein ne sari umr yeh apni inhe soochon me guzari hai, taluq yak-tarfa naheen hotay. Ye dastoor he naheen inka, magar ab jo inko jiya hai to samjh me agaya ab ye k sab kuch he hum se hain. Han bas fark itna hai hai k jisse taluq ho uski ummeed ka mehwar bhi hum he hojate hain. Sab he lafz, sab he batain, sab he rasmain, sab he rang tum se he rehtay hain. Koi roothe tu hum chootay ki tafseer ban jana, wo na bolay to gum sum tasveer ban jana, bhala kahan ki yeh sharafat hai?? Kia ye mohabbat hai, ye ibadat hai…

- UnhinGed ~

Thought # 0 paragraph 5 :P

2011-02-06T16:45:00.003+05:00

Mujhe naheen maloom har ghum ki aziyat ik jaisi he hoti hai ya kuch ghum dosron se baray hotay hain. Mujhe aj bhi yad hai main bhi har bachay ki tarhan sahil k pass matti k gharonday (ghar) bana kar bohat khush hoti thi, pani ki har onchi lehr ko ata dekh kar uskay gird hath yun rakh leti thi jaise mere hath us gahr ki hifazat kar lain ge. Usay bacha lain ge! Wo onchi lehrain sirf un mitti k gharon ko he naheen meri umeed meri khushion sab ko ghari bhar k liye he sahi apne hajam(size) se dara deti theen. Aj itnay sal guzar janay k bad bhi wo lehrain mujhe mehsoos hoti hain. Wo dar aj bhi lagta hai, wo halat mukhtalif hain. Ab na wo matti k gharonday hain na sahil k pass wo ghar bananay ka waqt. Zindagi to badal gayi laikin wo asasa chin janay ka khauf aj bhi mere andar mojood hai. Us waqt ki tarhan aj bhi main khamosh hun. Hathon ko ghardon k gird rakh kar jis tarhan tahafuz dene ki sayi (koshish) karti thi usi tarhan aj bhi har tofan ka muqabla karte hoay khud ko mazbooti se khara rakhnay ki koshish zaroor karti hun. Dar achi cheez hai ye humin ehsaan dilata hai k koi sheh humaray liye kitni zaroori hai par kabhi kabhi yeh andar se yun kuch khatum kardeta hai k admi sans bhi leta hai or mar bhi jata hai…

P.S( I am perfectly fine not upset at all… its just a thought) :)

- UnhinGed!

be-rabt!

2011-01-08T18:02:00.001+05:00

Mujhe naheen maloom shayer shairi main kisko khojtay rahte hain. Kia gulaab ka zikr krte hoay bhi wo us pari-wsh ki tasveer ankhon main sajaye hotay hain ya dehaaan main bas woi gulaab uski narmi basi hoti hai. Mujhe ye bhi naheen maloom bananay wala khoobsurti ko, kamal par foqiyat deta hai ya naheen. Mujhe bas itna pata hai k mera din dhalnay se lekar subh-e-sehr tak unwannay guftago ik he zaat hai. Kuch soochain hoti he itni haseen hain k alfaaz unke liye kam par jatay hain wo to phir shaks hai. Main naheen chahti k wo kabhi bhi yeh parhay meri tehreeer samjh kar magar kabhi parhay agr to un andekhay jazbat ko jinhun ne majboran mujh se ye likhwaya. Main ab tak halat-e-khuwab main hon, ho sakta hai jab ankh kholay to yeh sab mojood he na ho magar jo abhi hai wo haseentareen hai. Hosakta hai wo mujhe na chahta ho magar meri mohabbat k liye yeh zaroori he kab raha hai ab ya shayed yeh bhi ik farzi baat hai. Abhi khuwab main hon to kehna asaan hai. Han uski judayi shaaak hogi dil par magar ……

State…

2010-11-01T23:31:00.001+05:00

Ages back I wrote a whole story on state of being alone and loneliness. But time this time chosen me to experiment loneliness being alone. Both the state when are chosen by you seems to be a blessing but when they are rewarded to you, you are hostage with infinite thoughts and negative energy. energy can neither be created nor can be destroyed I raatta-fied (memorized) it for my physics papers 10th grade not even understanding that we all need to keep on bringing improvements in our inner energies ..

Be-rabtagi…

2010-10-29T22:28:00.001+05:00

Agr ye lafz kafi hon to main likhon mujhe jo kuch be likhna hai, ‘me’ se ‘tum’ ka safar ab te’h he karna hai. Naheen ye nazm, jisse tum bhool jaoge. Naheen ye khat jisse tum gar jaldo to saboot-e-mohabbat mit he jayega. Mere aghaz se lekar mere anjam tak ye safar bohat he be-yaqee’n sa hai. Karon main kia k yahan jeena he itna mushkil hai… Bas sanson ki he rawani hai. Na Rawaiyon main wo pehlay si khush-numayi hai, na guftar me wo halawat hai. Yahan to wo alam hai k ghubaray bhi phathain to dar sa lagta hai. Hujoom dekh kar sansain apni raftar kho bethti hain. Zameen jo pani se dhulnay ki adi thi wo khud par behta hoa lahoo dekhay bhi to kaise? Mujhe na janay kiun ye lagta hai zameen jab khiraj apna mangay gi tab karain ge kia?? Ye khudsakhta bekhuaf deen k muhafiz kahain ge kia, karain ge kia? Gar KHUDA ko ghazab aya??

:S

2010-10-29T20:47:00.001+05:00

I don't know if things, people and expectations are too important in ones life that your own self is ignored by none other than you. I am alone on the roof and feeling lonely. You might be thinking why I used word ‘lonely’ when I already mention ‘alone’. It is because I beleive loneliness and being alone are two entire different state. I might not be correct but when this blog was made by me to write things that are correct. Change is yes constant but living with it, coping all your life just with changes it seems difficult but yes changes when unconsciously take place, we all adapt them as easily and pepsi’s new packaging.

Memories….

2010-10-18T22:52:00.001+05:00

I was young when I used to see my elders a little sad while burning some letters, papers or a note I always wonder why being sad when you are tearing them yourself. Time passed away leaving so many ‘ why’s, what’s ’ for me. Last night while burning all those memories of you, having tears in my eyes explained me its not words on those papers that makes you cry but the immense feelings attached. Why burning of papers when you can never burn up the memories attached.

I was being used…

2010-07-25T19:43:00.002+05:00

We all often hear and say the line ‘ I was being used ’ after being hurt by our loved ones. Well to be honest this is the first thing that hits your mind when someone let you down because of whatever reason. The after effects may vary from person to person and heart to heart but they are mostly unforgettable. I am not here to repeat all those things which are already in you or you have been through. I was hit by this idea last evening when I was bit angry on some issues and was busy in making faces.

Well, you may not agree to this but do think at least once about it.

I don’t agree with the word web and its results, I mean OK I look for words in it but this is too created by one of us. Errors are possible! OK if it means taking advantage but then we all take advantage of one an another. I mean why do most of us mind in being used? even me! We do use each other intentionally or un-intentionally. Whatever the relation we share, no matter who we are we do use people and they use. As far as my learning says problem arise when you are not paid or you don’t get a return of what you did for someone. But then this is the only way possible, to judge and know what kind of people surrounds you. I know when you are hurt, you are numb and dumb, I mean seriously this happens. But then that’s the big time of changing yourself, strengthening the I .

For example, you use a servant for daily household chores, servant never complains as long as he is being paid. This means satisfaction is obtained. But incase he/she leave your work or demand for a raise in salary that will probably because he/she feels being USED as more work is taken then the wage.

Similarly, you are used by people you love on anything, may it be a favor or help. The only time you are hit with a ‘ BEING USED ’ feeling is when the return is not sufficient or not satisfactory. The moment you think you are giving more to a relation then its return to you by another, the feeling of ‘ BEING USED ’ arises. We normally don't realize that there is a give and take rule surrounding our whole life.

So next time, whenever you have this feeling of being used, exploit arrives think about what's the main reason ? Its not the ‘being used’ element its just that you either expecting a little high from the other one, or its something that is lacking. As you are using things and people and you are used by them too.

I may sound fishy or complete non-sense but this is where I am different…

Head n Heart game… (part 2)

2010-07-22T18:31:00.001+05:00

Next 3 days went like usual I didn’t even had a glimpse of him. I don’t know why but yes I was thinking about him all the time. My brother was still angry so he was forgiven and with that On the third day when I was convinced that it all was the result of all the romantic fantasized novels I love to read but hey! as far as I know I am a very practical kind of person. Though I enjoyed reading them but since when I started believing them? I cursed my self. I rushed back home and quickly I changed my clothes for nap. I love sleeping, as it was so far my only love. I escape lunch and lied on my bed but couldn’t sleep again with him on my head I mean WTF is wrong with me. I made myself assured that tomorrow only I am going to do something about it not assured of what but yes something. Later that evening I was informed that I need to go along with my parents to attend a wedding. While looking for a suitable dress I empty my whole wardrobe and I chose a green dress. I went near mirror and place it next to my body and I looked in mirror and there I saw him again. He was there sitting in my open window, the best corner of my room. His eyes were focusing me and I again couldn’t find enough strength to turn and say anything to him… I looked down avoiding him and I heard him speaking for the very first time.

‘ Why don’t you try this red! ’ He pointed out red which was gifted to me by a friend of mine. A very traditional work of thread with combination of green and coffee color which was enhancing the beauty of red…

I looked up and he was not there, I cursed myself and I was sure that I was suffering from hallucination and that’s sit. I was still with that green frock in front of mirror when my sister came in. Frowning face as if she is going to vomit and as this clicks my mind I just think a bit loud;

‘ If you are feeling like vomit I should be clearing you that this is not your washroom but my room so please… ( I mumble LEAVE ) ’.
‘ I know its useless coming to you, you FAUNA! mama wants you to hurry up ’ she left … I sighed and dressed in green avoiding my heart which was forcing me to get dressed in red O_O. I put on my accessories, shoes and I rushed down. Through out the function I was seeking him. I was having a feeling that he is watching me. Later that night we step back home and step in my room with small and silent steps but my room was empty. To be honest I was disappointed not because of him but because of my thoughts, may be because I wanted him to be with me. I changed my clothes, re-arrange my ward-robe and I sat down resting my back with bed’s wall with close eyes. People say when you need a quick rest close your eyes, I believe when you need to think a bit high and loud close your eyes as this way your mind just don't follow the ways your eyes shows but it discovers more. I don’t know why but I missed my friends, the older ones who once were with me but now they are no more in my life. May be I am wanting him just because of vacant space in my life… I slept there only thinking,reasoning and predicting him when someone touched me…

(Continued)

- UnhingeD

Head n Heart game… (part 1)

2010-07-22T03:13:00.001+05:00

Like every other time I faced fight of my family over me bravely and quietly left the lounge as I knew its useless standing there nobody is going to feel me while they are way too busy. My family is cool but I guess I am just the odd one out ever since I open the eyes and cried ( my birth time) … I sighed and took step ahead towards the yard side . It was small but enough for me as it was the only thing that was sustain by my family and it didn’t go through a renovation like exterior and interior of my house after my grand fathers death. As I sat on the only bench there I again had the same feeling of having someone around me. Someone who is close to me and could see me. I turned around and I looked down the bench and every possible place but again was unable to see anyone. The odd thing was I was fine with the presence though could feel someone's breath down my neck. I placed my head on bench and before I could shut my eye lids I saw someone. I open my eyes wide, the guy was sitting on the wall. I blink my eyes but could not possible strength to talk to him so I just stared him for long . I heard my sister calling me and I turned to see but when I turned back I saw no one… He was disappeared O_O . I went back to my room after sometime and opened my books for next days assignments. I usually used to sleep by 1:30 a.m but because of work I stayed up till late. It was 3:00 a.m when I was giving final touched to my work and had to rush to my room to bring water as I was working on terrace as my room wasn’t enough for all this mess. I came back with in no time and his presence took my breath away. He was sitting on one of the couches giving my work a closer look. My footsteps made him look up and he smiled and I fainted. I put my whole strength not to behave like fools. He was probably making me scared that’s sit. I made myself believe that he was card of my nasty brother who was mad on me since he was accused by dad because of me though it was all unintentional. I ignored him and started packing my work I opened the case and carefully packed my sheets within plastic ones and placed them in the case. While doing this I looked up and was about to scream as the couch was empty, he disappeared again! I was turning mad or …

(continued)

- UnhingeD!

I never had a HONEY-PIE !

2010-07-20T04:18:00.001+05:00

Hey! Remember me? No! I am the same guy who told you the tale of his family kicking him, and the encounter? No! I mean how can you forget aunty? OK! I am Ed well, that what my whole world calls me… This time with something very serious that recently hit me . I am here to complain and yell my heart out… Can you imagine I am 20 years old and never had a girl in my entire 20 years of life… Because of again these reasons;

I have too many ideas.
I dont have a single clue of romance.
There problems are never problems for me.
I can’t shut my mouth not even for her (them).

CASE NO # 1: Sanum

It was Tuesday when I saw her again, the same innocent face, wrath on something. I was doing my work when Ehsan asked me to turn and when I did I felt like my body is going to break into pieces. OMG! she was coming to our table, I looked Ehsan then moved my eyes to Samar and AP (Ali Paracha). She came and started talking to Shiza. Her presence overwhelmed me but couldn’t stop my tongue and I said;

‘ Chal Ehsan! ’
‘ Kidr? ’
‘ Dekh naheen raha barish ho rahi hai! ’ Ehsan was staring me with open mouth as I was gathering my things.
‘ Pagal hogaya hai? Kahan ho rahi hai barish? Ik tufan(phet) aaraha tha wo bhi ullu bana k nikal gaya ’ He was still sitting
‘ Aby yar aaraha hai. Lerkion se pooch lo ye tabhi to 3-quarter pehne hain ’ I said and left quickly as I know if I would have stayed for long those cats do have long nails…

CASE NO # 2: Zara

‘ Baby! I am failing this subject! ’ I stared her and then I looked my self from neck to toe ( I cant see my head na! ) 5"11 with normal built I was known as quite handsome guy then on what earth she was calling me a BABY!!. As far as I remember :|

Result day I saw her crying and when was sympathized she made us shocked as she was crying because she got 45 out of 50. I stared my friend and he texted me something thats common these days but made me laugh badly;

“ A girl was asked on a result day her percentage and she wiping her tears replied 80% only and shockd guy replies ‘ tm is pe ro ri ho itne me to 2 larke pass hojate hain’ "

I laughed and when she asked I loudly said what was written… (further details will only be provided if inquired/asked) :P :P

- Unhinged !

TOILET – Best To Escape !

2010-06-01T14:33:00.003+05:00

TOILET … a perfect place to hid even though you are reachable. I always wonder why people wanted luxurious washrooms ( I hate calling them toilets…). Well, my recent research helped me to understand the need. Aside from its actual purpose following are the add-on values of a washroom.

You have a lot of privacy to think , think and re-think about things. Even you have just one washroom for whole family believe me nobody will disturb you. Exceptional is there…
Best place to hide while playing hide and seek or if you are afraid of daddy's anger stay there as long as daddy is at hoooome.
Perfect for cheating. Nobody can stop you going to a washroom even in exams. That’s against H-R (HUMAN RIGHTS)
If you are cautious singer, sing the song in washroom. The best place to do these kinda private stuffs.
The best place to smoke even your girl-friend cant stop you going there.. Can she?
Late night calls. Afraid to attend try washroom they are safe as long as you have locked it…
Don’t want to study go to washroom with a perfect excuse of upset stomach and you an hour free…

Oh by the way! are you too one of those people who use to see bill boards saying TOLET and a mobile number, thinking why on earth people are giving there numbers instead of telling the address of it… If you know what I mean. Well, I belong to this group who spend 14 years of life thinking that people have gone mad that they are giving numbers for washrooms… Huh! Is it poor thinking or lack of common sense or I may say DIFFERENCE OF OPINION !

ENJOY!

- UnhingeD

P.S( These are experiences of different people no relation is there with the writer :D :P )

Kid’s to Kick’s…

2010-05-31T16:47:00.004+05:00

It was third time in the week that I was kicked out by family discussions just because of two reasons that surrounds me all the time. These reasons are

I AM YOUNGEST
MY MIND IS ALWAYS FILLED WITH SUGESSTIONS EVEN WHEN NOT NEEDED

Nothing is there that makes me jealous but whenever I am kicked out I feel like beating them I mean how on earth its my fault that I landed as a third one in the family. Huh! I mean its not my fault if my mind is always filled with something or the other :( check this;

We were having this grand grand (grand here doesn’t mean older duffer it means big big very BIG) dinner just because I finally made my brother study and he succeeded with FLYING COLORS. This party should have been in honor of me but … The only issue we had was electricity problem. As this discussion was going on in front of me so I gave them my expert opinion. I suggested, Why don't they request KESC to give us support of light for only 3 hrs and we will gift them something. Now what was wrong with it? My mother said with nasty expression on her face; “I will be glad if you leave this place immediately as we have alot more to do then to listen to your suggestion..”.
There is this cute little girl in our family. White color, pink lips and green eyes, WHAT LOOKS SHE IS REALLY PRETTY ! (My mom’s expressions). So I asked my mother to get this girl booked for my brother. She stared me and I continued, “ Look! even Shan is not ready for getting married off-course he is young. So if you calculate he is 20 he still needs 6 years to settle and this girl is 10 years old so she will be 16 by that time. Ideal to get married MOM ”. She in a low voice just said two words “ SHUT UP ”.
It was time for me to pick a professional line for a bright career. When my father asked me what I am planning to do as he has doubts. I proudly explained him that I want to be a animal doctor, A VET. Our whole family was sitting and they all started staring me. My father patiently asked me why I want to be a VET and I replied “ Dad! I wont need a house job somewhere outside. We have 4 hens, 12 birds and a horse I will be able to practice all that at home na…’. My dad sighed and I am now doing … no no I am not practicing or studying animals and medicine but doing BS in PR … My father says its similar … I am in finals and still unable to find similarities…

- UnhingeD !!

P.S( Anyone found laughing will be given in the custody of my FAN LOVERS…)
P.S.S( All is fiction)

Tears from UP-high!

2010-05-29T19:19:00.001+05:00

I saw him for the last time and I turned my back. I couldn’t managed to go to him and say good-bye, so I decided to leave school with out meeting him. It was hard I looked up the sky where my best friend lived, somewhere near by the most shining star or beside moon resting in peace. I am sure my best-friend is stranger to sun else my best-friends sweetness would have decreased the intensity of heat of sun. I avoid shedding tears especially in open areas, from where my best-friend could catch me. I started walking, slow and unsteady with a broken smile and watery eyes. I watched my colleagues, my class mates walking pass by me. Hands in hands, smile in eyes and promises on lips. I left the gateway and started walking towards pathway from where I used to go back home. I go back home from that way avoiding roadway because of the peace and feeling of being lost. As I walked towards the jungle side I felt myself accompany by footsteps. I without taking noticed continued my walk as I am used to of it now. Whenever I am here I feel him with me. May be because he is more in me then I am in me. All of a sudden my forth and the last finger was touched by someone. The feeling was strong but I avoided because of the dejection I may see .

‘ So you wont even give me a glimpse ’ I heard a voice that I use to hear every night in my dreams.. And I had to look my left-side, my hand was guarded by his hand and he was looking straight.
‘ What you are doing here? With my question he stopped and came opposite to me
‘ Something that I should have done long time back… So I thought we were good friends you even didn’t bother to stop by and say a good-bye to me ’ He said with a disappointment in his tone.
‘ I… ’ Tears rolled down my eyes and I bit my lower lip.

‘ Ok! see you tomorrow on dance party…’ He said in lower tone and he left. I didn't lift my head up, keeping it down I continued my walk. I as drown in my thoughts when I was hold and was kissed. I closed my eyes with a fear but those soft lips made me open eyes and when I open I saw him holding me. When he put me apart he whispered

‘ I LOVE YOU ! ’ before I could say anything else I felt something on my face.. drop of rain.. clouds were crying like me but this time the tears were of happiness…

- Unhinged..

Cumunicashion - Gap

2010-05-28T01:13:00.001+05:00

(End of the 90’s) ‘ Yes you stand up ’ A child was asked to stand up by a teacher who was so like others, way too strict, rule follower and bossy. The child stood up with hand straight and pretend able seriousness.

‘ Now! how do you spell Communication? ’ A flat high pitch tone in a pin drop silence that already made child’s mind blank.

‘ Umm .. ’ Child was about to start meanwhile was stopped by very efficient teacher.

‘ I don’t think Communication starts with umm ’ class burst into a laughter and child’s sparked

‘ C U M U N I C A S H I O N ’ While every other kid went quite when the teacher shouted

‘ Its wrong we don’t spell COMMUNICATION like that ’ She was about to swallow child when the child open mouth to speak

‘ We don’t but you ask me how I spell it ’ and obediently the child settled down making teacher dumb.

This was me :D he he he early and cool days of my life..

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

This word COMMUNICATION, 13 letter word always confuses me. Yes it does, and the rate of confusion was increased when GAP was attached to it. As far as I remember I first saw these words together when I was in 4th standard. Ever since then I am personally putting efforts to know more about it. When we were explained about it my teacher said that it is a gap between two generations for example, lack of understanding between parents and kids. As time passed variety or some changes were made to the definition but the core part was sustained. It explained me that COMMUNICATION GAP actually is a distance between ages but things never worked like the definitions provided to me.

I know LAURA who is 48, one of close buddies of mine from virtual world. She is having 3 kids no husband and lots of problems. We chat every other day. While chatting her and listening her real world problems through ear-phones I unconsciously noticed a woman in my home. One who brought me up, because of whom I am actually what I am. The one who is having 3 other kids unlike me, all different. I never understood her problems and I even didn’t bothered to hear them. Lack of time or what my society says COMMUNICATION GAP.

Dev, 15 years old virtual writer who writes and I read. Not only his writings but him. He feels I understand what he writes not only this I am one of those few people who actually understands in which situation he wrote them. There is guy known as my brother, like Dev always busy in nothing. We hardly talk due to my work and my timings. Again COMMUNICATION GAP!

Laila, 23 years old Sri-Lankan friend (virtual) of mine. I have all my sympathies with her as she is young pretty but with no family as she lost them in last TSUNAMI. I always give her my extra time making her comfortable and listening whatever she like to tell. Not elder then here in this place I live, I see a girl every day fighting for destiny, her life. Quiet and focused and MBA student. Though I never had time to chat with her because of our different timings I am sure she is fine. COMMUNICATION GAP

Last but not the least JACK, 56 years old farmer in USA. With 7 children and a wife who is in comma Jack is fighting with life. His two sons left him the day they gained position in NEW YORK. Now, he is striving alone to make his family run and survive. I never saw Jack struggling for his family but I always see him in a man who is some what similar to him. My father, we talk but once in a blue moon only. COMMUNICATION GAP.

After spending 10 years of consciousness I am forced to say that COMMUNICATION or CUMUNICASHION is dependent on you, your thoughts and how close you put relation with yourself through thins and thick…

P.S( I am so not sure of what I wrote above and what I tried to say .. when this thing hit my mind I was in a different state and when I sat down it turned out to be something very different.. )

- UnhingeD…

Crop-Up’s !

2010-05-23T20:03:00.001+05:00

I always wondered why people start acting strange once they are in so called LOVE. I mean no offense but seriously you have friend fights , no time, day dreaming, lake of sleep and what not? I recently suffer from this when my girl friend asked me quit smoking as its effecting her reputation and her taste. It really marveled me why on earth my problems effecting her. After all I started smoking as reputation upgrade. Phew! It was late night while I was talking to her all thanks to late-night packages :D when all of a sudden she said;

' Ok.. um what you can do for me '

' Anything that doesn't require me to stand on my feet's right *yawn* I am so tired sugar pie ( I know all tact's of handling girls :P )'

' Well I want to you to quit smoking and it doesn't require you to stand up and even sit ' Ah! can you believe by the end of her sentence I was actually standing..

' What the.. I mean honey I don't think by any chance its effecting you! I know you care for me and my health is really important for you but...' Ah! hard for me to control my tone

' You said you will do anything I ask you to do. Can't you just quit smoking for me.? ' I cursed my-self for saying those romantic sentences few minutes back wish I could reverse time..

' Ok! I will you want me to quit I will but give me sometime..' I surrendered as at the moment I had no choice.

Few weeks later after quite smoking ..( well not really I quited but yes! I reduced it and for me that was almost quit), I come across a colleague of mine, cute girl she was but still not my taste. I was in a rush when she passed by me saying;

' Yar! he looks more cute while smoking ' before I could turn and reply or look her my cell phone rang and when I checked it was message by my girl which stated as

Thank you Honey pie rushy was shocked when I told her that you quit smoking I am so happy I won the bet !

Love you!!

I didn't got angry on my girl-friend but out of nowhere a line popped up in my mind;

EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION!!!

Strange!!

- UnhingeD ~

Encounter..

2010-05-23T01:57:00.001+05:00

I am errr not sure if its an activity or what! but recently i got irritated by it. Aunties they surely rock.. No matter to which class they belong they all are best in criticism. The best thing in Aunt-ism is that once you are a member of this you are never old yet your experience can never be scold.. Whatever they say they speaks truth as there is experience is even high then our age. Uncle's must have surrendered aunt-ism right after their marriage That is why I guess they are quiet in front of their wives all the time. Well what irritated me last night was an encounter with an aunty who was around 40 or above wearing sunglasses even after sun was hardly invisible, a pink liner and some glossy girly lipstick. I was with a friend who made a face right after looking at aunty's black and golden sun glasses and whispered ' Just look at her! '. I stayed quiet and walked passed by her trying hard not to think about her glamorous looks and her efforts to look beautiful. We when came back saw her in parking area a little tensed. Though our car was parked on a distance but still I forced my friend to check her out if she needed help. On getting closer I with all respect asked if by any means we could help her out she burst like a volcano

' Help se kia matlab hai tumahara? ik to maa bap ne angreezi school main kia dal dia tameez he bhol gaye..' we didn't have the slightest idea what made her so angry

' Aunty! gari main problem hai? ' I tried in urdu to ask what was making her stand here outside the car

' Mujhe koi problem naheen hai problem tumahri generation k saath hai na uthnay ka lihaz na bethnay ki tameez ' I looked my friend who was gazing me with a statement ' or kar help '

I turned around and was about to walk away when she said;

' Agar tumahri maa yahan hoti to kia usay bhi yunhi chor kar chalay jatay. zara sa ehsas
naheen hai k koi pareeshan hai ' Aunty was saying loudly and was walking towards her silver car. I went near by

' Aunty! app btain to..' I tried to ask her again

' Kia bataon dhaka lagana hai gari start naheen ho rahi ' I tried hard to shut my mouth but my friend couldn't and he said

' Aunty itni dair se hum pooch ..... ' he couldn't complete his sentence as she was started again

' Aj kal k bachon ka masla he yeh hai inahin koi kuch na keh de. bas yeh sachay paida hogaye hain Ala-amaan..' I gave my friend a 'shut up' look and asked her to sit in car. Finally after 10 minutes of hard work we were able to make her car go in a speed .. Before she left she brought head out of the window and said

' Beta ye lo dil laga k kam kia karo.Acha he hai jo ab yahan k log bhi kuch parahy likhay larkay rakhnay lagay' She handed me a 50 Rs note and went by.

My friend was gasping and laughing badly and I looked down my jeans and black t-shirt. I watched her silver alto running across the road .. These Aunties...!!!

- UnhingeD ~

Siyaad! (a Hunter)

2010-05-22T20:07:00.002+05:00

Agr ussay dekhna ankhun ki ghalti thi to kiun hain ye ab tak salamat? Agar usay soochna besood hai to ye sooch khalq he kiun hoi? Hai ishq ajeeb to ajeebtareen main hon! Agr uski chahat bas ik khayal hai to yeh khayal dil main aya kiun? yeh dil he kiun hai! Ay! RAB na rakhta koi chahat ki umeed bas ik lothra he rehnay dia hota. Na dil hota na zehn-e-natwa itni mushakat kiun kr karta, itna larta, itna thakta... Main ye zindagi jee he leti bina kuch kahay, bina chahy, bina soochay. Kia tha jo yeh lab na hotay, izhar-e-chahat k na mutamani hotay, na mera dil mujhe rat rat bhar phir bechain kar pata. Main dil ki khuwhish ko zehn main na jaga deti na shab-bedari mera naseeb banti. Na har karwat mera jism letay hoay kar’rahta, na ungli labon ki siskiyon pe band bandh kr usay dil ki hasrat banaye rakhteen. Jo ye na hota to wo aj dil ki bas sirf sada na hota mera hamsafar hota…

Magar jo wo na hota to kon mujhe sagar-e-chashm pr zapt ki ashnayi deta? Kon jatata k zuba’n honay k bawajood bhi anay walay lamhon main wo kaifiyat hosakti hai jb lab chahnay k bawjood ik dosray main pewast rehna chahtay hain or nighain guftugu karteen hain. Kon dekhata k kuch sahir aise bhi hain jo jadoo jism pe naheen seenay main mojood dil pe krte hain, k wo shikari dil k hotay hain. Jo dil lejain to na kabhi khud palat’tay hain na dil he ki wapsi pr razi hotay hain. Unhain to aksar khabr bhi naheen hoti k shikar kab jaal main phansa or kab uska dil amanat ban k unke hathon main muntaqil hoa. Tbhi to wo bhool chook main dil tor dia karte hain! Qasoorwar to sahir bhi naheen, k wo to apna kam kiye jataa hain. Ab koi dekhay baghir chalay to bhala shikari kiun kar na shikar kary…
Koi to jakar us zalim siyaad khabr karay k ye lab kahmosh hain pr samat ka har gosha uski ahat pa lena ka muntazir hai. Koi to jakar bataye k shan-e-beniyazi se wo jis gali se dil chura laya tha wahan pr mojood shikar ab neem-murd halat main faqt dedar k liye maut se ankhain churaye intezar ka chola urhy para hai. Koi to jaye, koi btaye k kaheen dair na hojaye…
- UnhingeD ~

deglutition is hard…

2010-05-22T20:06:00.001+05:00

I have been writing on this blog since November 2008 with all the worst and best life phases of life this have been the best shoulder to me. I am still an immature writer I know but that too cannot stop me writing. There have been stages where I have forecasted the magic of LOVE on my readers but again there have been times when I couldn’t even write what I am going through. Yes! its true that time passes like wind smooth and fast.

- UnhingeD ~

LessOn

2010-05-20T23:25:00.001+05:00

I rushed towards the the elevator and checked out the reception as if I am not in an office but in a park. My situation was similar to a person who was chased by a dog. I slow down as I saw her moving towards her parked car. She was surprisingly relax and steadily walking. I went a little closer when she turned around noticing and smiled;

‘ What are you doing here? ’
' What are you doing here? ’ I shot back question to her
‘ Well ! I resigned ’ With smile she replied without even knowing I was hating her smile.
‘ Why you did so? ’ Patiently I inquired her off as there was no other way out.
‘ I resigned because I had no other way out. I was bored and was guided over everything ’
‘ You just resigned because you were bored ? ’ I looked at her furiously as if she is insane. My expression made her smile and moving her fingers on her cars door smoothly she replied;
‘ The best way is to resign whether its a relationship or a job you cannot continue if you are unable to prove yourself best in it. By the way resignation doesn’t mean you are useless or a crap it just makes another step easier for you. If its accepted you were at a wrong place and if its rejected things will go in your favor. ’ I never could understand women no matter how hard I try.. I went back to work and work for another 3 years of my life and one day I resigned. The day I resigned was the best day of my life as there was no more unwanted tension. I accepted the fact that I was not made for typing and emailing others the company’s policies but to write my own tale. The life time experience, ups and downs of my life. And finally I learned;

‘ There is a success following every loss and resigning is a better option ’

- Unhinged ~

:’[

2010-05-16T19:37:00.001+05:00

I don't know if I should be writing this or not but I am not sure who else to tell this. History is repeating itself, whatever happened 5 years back is going on again I don't know how I should be behaving, I am not sure if this reaction of mine is valid or not but my heart is aching I am not feeling like talking to anyone and why I should be? Are best friends like this? I don’t know if I should not be talking like this or not but …. :’(

:)

2010-05-13T02:04:00.001+05:00

I was so much busy in my other stuff’s and some pathetic situations that I hardly was left with words. The octopus of grades and fused relationships made me stand nowhere but I am returning.. :) Coming back to where I belong , the only way of my survival.. I am returning to my destiny.. :) And I am happy to be with you again.

AZAB..

2010-04-28T00:44:00.001+05:00

Main ne to ab tak yehee suna tha k dil jo totay to tufan to atay hain bohat magar saath main wo khamoshi bhi le atay hain jis main har cheez chup bhi jati hai or mit bhi jati hai. Par sab jhoot maloom ho raha hai or sab mughalta lag raha hai, mujhe na to kisi ko safayi deni hai or na he kiisi baat ki duhai deni hai magar KHUDA gawah hai k ander barhti hoi ghutan aik aise tufan ki amaad ki paishan-goi de rahi hai jo mere liye sarapa azab hoga..

-illusiOn

YAD-E-MAAZI AZAB HAI YA RAB,
CHEEN LE MUJH SE HAFZA MERA…

IF ONLY I COULD MAKE YOU DIE..

2010-04-14T02:51:00.001+05:00

I don’t why I am writing this or to whom I am addressing this. Its just I am TIRED and literally I am. This time I am sick of myself. I don't want to tell this to anyone and don’t want to say this to anyone. I am tired

I am not blaming anyone for anything yes I am responsible to every single step I take.. But if only I could make a step towards your death I would have satisfied ,..

- Evil..

Around the corner..

2010-03-31T06:34:00.001+05:00

I read somewhere;

A girl after her breakup when was asked the either she left the guy or the guy left him
She said in low voice
’ Neither of us left its LOVE who left us ’

It made me startle for sometime and made me go some where back. Not centuries back obviously but years back…

Na – Muraad !

2010-03-26T23:03:00.001+05:00

Mujhe naheen pata main behan hon ya beti , maa hon ya bewi . Sayed sirf rishton k naam par roz dhoka khanay wali ik aam si larki. Mujhe aj tak apna qasoor pata naheen chal saka. aj agar maa baap ki suno to bewafa kehlati hon kia Mohaabat jurm hai, agar hai to meray maushray main basnay walay mard ye kaise kar saktay hain. Mera jee chahta hai mujeh phank lag jain or main kaheen badlon main dor urh jaon kabhi na aon. Phir ye khayal ata hai k parinday b sham dhalte he apne gharon ki rah dekhte hain. Bas wo lamha kathan jan kar main ye zulm sehti hon. Ye log kia bekhabar hain k ikhtiyar anay k bad bhi agar main inka saath deti hon to bas waja he mohabbat hai jo mera jurm hai. Or agar mohbbat jurm hai to phir kon si rishtedari, kaisa rishta, kahan ki dosti or kaisa taluq? har cheez maya hai. Mera bhi jee chahta hai kabhi to ho koi mujhe na rokay, koi na tokay, kabhi to kahay k han tum azzad ho jo chahe karo… Islam k anam par ma, behnon or betiyon ka qatl karne walon kia tum naheen jante yeh humari raat o din ki duain hain jo tum par RAB mehrbaa’n hai. Jis din ye hath uthna ruk gaye tum neest o nabood hojaoge…

Faqt,
ik Sanf-e-nazuk… Ik Na – Muraad…

- illusiOn~

P.S( all fiction)

La-waris…

2010-03-23T22:24:00.001+05:00

Mujhe naheen pata dukh jab shadeed hojata hai to insaan kaisa mehsoos karta hai. Par in hichkiyon k darmiyan main apne ap ko hawa maulaq dekh rahi hon ik aisi jaga jahan koi naheen hai na he kisi k honay ki talab baqi hai. Inhathon se behnay walay har ik khoon ki bond mujhe zindagi ki ranaiyon ki taraf se khench kr maut k mun main dakhail rahi hai. Han ye sach hai zindagi khubsurat hai or achay humsafar hon to yeh haseen tar hai magar yahan humsafar ki ab gunjaish kahan. H’an hosakta hai main bach jaon magar main ye yaqeen rakhti hon k boht se logon k liye meri khatum hoti sansain bas safar ki akhri lamhaat hain. Han main har gayi … koi dukh naheen hai mujhe yeh mannnay main k main har gayi. Kiun dukh hoga wo bhi is baat ka mujhe ehsaas hai k ghalti hogayi. Or ghum yeh hai k itnay arsay main fareeb main rahi aj apne apko dekhun bhi to mar janay ko jee chahta hai. Ye khoon ka behna maut ki alamat na bhi ho, hosakta hai ye sehr-e-nau ki naveed ho magar yeh mera wada hai agr zindagi ki zara bhi ramak is jism-e-natawa’n main ab rahi to naye janum ko na mannay wali main MUSALMAAN ik nayi zindgai zaroor shuru karungi un logon k baghair jinhon ne aj mujhe tor dia.. Asaan naheen magar na-mumkin bhi naheen…

TO ALLAH I BELONG AND TO HIM I WILL RETURN!!!

- illusiOn!

( All fiction )

My head touching sky feet on the ground!

2010-03-21T01:38:00.001+05:00

Right so i guess many days have been passed without me talking to you… its been long yes I know but things were unbearable. I love you so much for listening to my hidden fears. I know I am being very unpredictable person . Sitting out in open air with just chair in whole place as the only furniture I love things ..

without me talking to you… its been long yes I know but things were unbearable. I love you so much for listening to my hidden fears. I know I am being very unpredictable person . Sitting out in open air with just chair in whole place as the only furniture I love things .. But life isn't easy I must say and even I am not that easy. I even don’t know what I am writing, will that be making any sense even or not but if today I didn't write today I will be like killing myself somewhere deep down in me..

- illusiOn ~

Mulaqaat!

2010-03-07T14:21:00.002+05:00

Mujhe naheen pata zindagi ki taraf qadam barha rahi hon ya anjam ki kuch bi nhn teh. Naheen yeh bhi khabar k ayinda anay walay dino main yunhi reh paon gi bhi ya naheen. Ala-zarfi hon ya naheen ye bhi naheen pata ik shoor hai andar barpa mujhe naheen kahabr k kal kia hoga na he kuch fikr hai bas ik khauf hai jo andr pal raha hai . Mujhe wo din yad atay hain jab zindagi ki fikrain mukhtasar or khoobsurat hoti theen. Jab fridge main pepsi khatum honay or chocolate na milnay se ziyada bura kuch naheen hota tha. Guriya jab koi bhai tor deta tha to baba boht danta karte thay or yaqeen delaty thay k bas kal he nayi guriya la k den ge pehle se behtr pehli wali se achi. Umr barhi, fikron ka daira taveel hoa or aj ye alam hai k ye dil roz tot’ta hai or koi dekhnay wala bhi naheen. In palkon pe roz moti atkay rehte hain koi poochta he naheen. Mujhe phir se wahan jana hai jab logon se pyar kia jata tha or cheezon ko istemal. Jab kisi k janay ka koi dar naheen hota tha jab istemal or mohabbat dono cheezain khalis theen. Naheen mumkin main ab ja paon na he saans le paon , ye banjar zameen taweeel safar ……

- illusiOn ~

Aggression!

2010-02-17T16:53:00.001+05:00

I am so bloody F***** with work. My eyes are paining and I am going through disastrous mental torture… I know I know its’ all my fault there was no need of me going to Shaistas’ place. I mean when I participate in all this kind of work I don’t. Now its 2:08 am and me doing my work like an idiot. I want to run away … with no one but me. Is it possible? I am trying to work out but unfortunately I cant… Ah! man…

- illusiOn ~

:(

2010-02-15T16:59:00.001+05:00

So its another week, another MONDAY! day is so far good though I have loads of stuff to do. Script, sketches', pasting's ah ! I am packed …

People they’re i guess odd for me only. I don't know why but things are going smooth. I hope they turn into something good. Life is tricky. I love watching things while passing them. Van is fun… especially when I have Arooba with me :) though my driver sucks.. I hate when I have to stay back and ask him to drop me back… I wrried having Mid’s from 8th March ‘10

So far, So good!

2010-02-12T22:00:00.001+05:00

I am not at all sure if its just me or everyone do feel so that when things arise they do have a downfall too. Yes! I am definitely not an angel but, when I claim to be one? I am as insane as teenagers of my age could be. I am sick of being pampered when there is certainly no need of being so. Love comes with pampering stuff, does it? I might be getting too daft about it but that's what I am feeling so far.

Tuesday was surprisingly great to me this week. Had a hilarious day, all thanks to my fellows. RA was in mood today, had so many clicks… :) but then again I went to that same phase. I may not be good in beliefs but I have my own and hates sharing it with others. I never degraded anyone’s religion or faiths and it hurts when someone do so. I love writing in dark … May be because that way I am unable to evoke my self. Though my life soothing down. Going on a track smoothly so far but again there is speed breaker knows as paper on FRIDAY!

- illusiOn~

FReaky Monday!

2010-02-08T22:06:00.002+05:00

So finally, the freaky Monday ended… The weather was amazing since morning and I was glad to have some clicks… My driver was late and I got a chance to enjoy the weather. LA’s lecture was boring but THANK GOD! I was sitting next to some fun loving people. Hats off to them, though they disturbed me a lot and we even made each others fun but altogether, day was coool. LA taught us editing and they made fun about every other thing.

Next is CTT, lets see what is stored for me for TUESDAYS…

- illusiOn!

..

2010-02-06T18:45:00.001+05:00

Ok! so finally FEBUARY is here. No writings, poems total blockage. I don’t know how time fly but it does. I have a paper on FRIDAY 12th and don't know the a of ECONOMICS… Tough days!

- illusiOn~

Hmm

2010-01-28T19:21:00.001+05:00

I pass that road daily, each day with sleepy eyes and groggy. Today but was an odd day neither I could nor I could take my eyes off from the road. Quickly we were heading towards are destination but with every single object pass the urge of discovering the emotion called ‘LOVE’ hit me deep down with intensity. I have been known as THE FEELINGLESS person in history from some very close people. I wont be saying there statement doesn't matter to me but yes, they no longer effects me. OK! so we were discussing some love things. I am certainly not sure why certain feeling of knowing LOVE hit me this morning but yes! I enjoyed noticing things that I never did previously .. :)

- illusiOn ~

:(

2010-01-24T20:09:00.001+05:00

I have been trying hard to write something, but it seems quite impossible for me now as things are hard to control. Schedule of mine seems to out of hand. The life is totally changed. Its nothing like I am unhappy or something, its just that I am way too busy in different things. Totally different surrounding, way different courses, rules, materials ah!

I want to write but I don’t have single idea what to write..

-illusiOn~

ah!

2010-01-18T20:56:00.001+05:00

Ahh so the tough schedule is on. After so many days of ease now my tough days started. So much to do, so much work.. ahhh.. I want to write yes! but then I am left with no choice. but I really miss all my blog friends..

A late Welcome..

2010-01-13T02:13:00.001+05:00

Its been long since i walk away from blogging without any reason perspective or a date of return. But I had to return with no choice left. So, year 2009 passes with many sad and happy memories, taken away loads with it and leaving me behind. 2009, if I start counting what I loss I will forget what achieve. From Tainted love to Alpi & Andi it filled my heart and my needs, A writer is always pleased by the characters that not only magnifies its readers but also they in for a long. I regret my grand mothers death yes! i lost two very precious gifts of Allah both at the very start and the very of 2009. I always loved the way i see things but 2009 changed me a lot. I am pleased to see my reflection today as not only its better but its also enlarged. Alot of phases that I have been through opened enclosed chapters of reality. With whatever happened I am happy to welcome 2010 ..

- illusiOn~

U-TURN.. odd..

2009-12-14T23:48:00.001+05:00

I never understood what U-TURN means. A stubborn like me, needs a great potency to accept mistakes of my own. Things went difficult to me while going through the pathway which lead me to no where but sometimes its good having no idea of destination. Lost in a big world with loads to seen or learnt but most of the time we panic though our destinations ARE always uncertain.

Anyways, I was talking about U-TURN. I always seek things that are unvalued or devalued or you may say are ignored by people. I am equally complicated as any other person of my age could be, the difference is I accept that I am complicated. Its was not same few years back. I too loved fantasy, dreams and every other thing wait wait let me clear I still dream, I still live and enjoy better then anybody else. What change is the U-TURN. Things changed, my priority and my existence, everything changed as I took a U-TURN. I was on a road of loneliness a U-TURN made things a little different now I am independent. I was on the mode of sadness a U-TURN made me happy. Can I always take a U-TURN.???

- illusiOn ©

Food of Soul & Mind .. BOOKS..

2009-12-12T23:45:00.000+05:00

Well Ladies & gentlemen ! Zong [ Sab keh do ] sponsored the 5h International Book Fair in Karachi.. Its open till 14th of December 2009 I wish I could go again. I was hell excited to be a part of it since the day I saw a bill board. I shared it with my sis and we both got ready. I reach there at 2:30 and I came back at 6:15 but believe you me this time was not enough for me. When books are up to infinity I believe people like me never want to leave the place. Why the hell there is an EXIT door. Cant they make arrangements for us, crazy book lovers to stay up all night. With a warm light and tea.. Oh common We will pay for tea for sure. Ok! coming back to Expo centre, Karachi a vast area, a huge one. Exhibition took place in 3 halls HALL 1, HALL 2 & yes HALL 3. Now I went to the HALL 2 first, why may be because it was right in front while you have to take a left and a right for HALL 1 and 3. Hall 2 had LIBERTY, PARAMOUNT and other famous publishers and book dealers from Karachi. Hall 2 took our major portion of time, it was yes big and had loads of books.

Paramount and Liberty both gave discounts and they had extra low prices for books they thought had now no space in their shelves. [ I am really sorry about the picture as people were continuously moving and I was helpless not authorized to stop them not for a single second, not just for click from such distance ]

After almost 2 hours we left for Hall 3 and 1 consecutively, didn't enjoyed it much. We had a tea there and then we left. I hate EXIT door still I had to pass through it. When I left it was beautiful sunset, some clicks are below..

- illusiOn ~

..

2009-12-12T21:20:00.001+05:00

I did it again. I screwed things and then I behave even more aggressively. I don't know how to control things and get over them. I just cant forget what happened or I may say that I am discontent. I want to show contentment but I am unable to. I really what I am going through. And what makes it worst is the behaviour of my surroundings. I know I am complaining as this the only thing right now I can do.. I dont know man though I want to have a solution.
Anyways I am planning to go to a Book Fair [ I am writing this all late night so wont be able to write tomorrow na] Any how its the 5th International Book Fair I hope I will be able to grab some pictures.

- illusiOn ~

Back door Thoughts ~

2009-12-11T02:15:00.000+05:00

It was 3 in the morning when I finally decide to leave staircase on which I was sitting since 2 hours. Deeply drown in my own thoughts, feeling sorry for my own self and having bad thoughts for him. The lamp above was lighten and was giving a dramatic effect. Unsatisfied me I stand there and I gazed the sky. Weather was clear but no sign of stars. A moon yes my moon it was there as usual . I remember my mother who made me sing ;

‘ Chanda mamu door k,
Pooray pakain bor k,
Ap khain thali main,
Bachon ko dein thali main,
Piyali gayi phoot,
Chanda mama gaye rooth,
Nayi piyali lain ge,
Chanda mama ko manain ge..

Translation:

Have you ever heard it from your mothers? Well I did and I guess all of them in my family we still when see sky and off course the moon our ‘ Chanda Mama ’ we think about it and enjoy.
Life I don’t why is treating me with a hard n fast rules. It keeps on changing very fast, so goes for the rules. I try to cope up but I guess I am still too young to play with time and its accessories like luck,fortune and timing. I left the house but before I move on further I turned and glance back. It was an average built house grey coloured, black gate and a name plate. I love homes rather then houses as I have seen they both carries a difference with in themselves, which obviously is not that prominent. I like the bonding of families unfortunately the generation I belong too is suffering from too much loneliness,depression and psychological problems and the worst part is the education we are getting. I mention this is ‘ Metaphors & Hurricanes inside ’ ;

I seek a refuge as I want to hide. I know sharing helps but it helps when you are sure the person listening you will make you comfortable rather then getting worried about it. Its nothing like I regret things its just I hate to be the left one. I don’t know how easy its for the other people like me. I know I take things larger then there actual image. I sharing it here because its safe. Even if you misquote anything it wont hurt that badly then previously it did. I know its hard to take a relationship and easy is to end but I guess its easy to end because one full stop is easy to be placed while on the other hand if you place few more when its difficult to continue… I am facing challenges that I shouldn't be at this age I don't know its what my luck bad-luck or something else. I know things but implementing them always makes me fail no matter how many attempts I make. Its nothing that I am ashy person or something like that on people faces its just I don’t know what to say. I am tired and sick of everything, as I am no more able to work things out. I don’t know how things will get better and how I will be able to cope up with things and change myself for betterment. I want to be a better person, a better human. I don’t know how to do it.

- illusiOn ~

Metaphors & Hurricane Inside..

2009-12-10T23:15:00.001+05:00

I don’t know if things could have been better just with a change of attitude. I am really not sure if anything could get better obviously it can and it is but not with a rapid time. Impatient soul I am, though I always keep the reminder on in me but its embarrassing that I fail. I am sick of keeping myself in a forcing position. Yeah yeah I am the wrong one but how wrong not all wrong. I am executed to death without even my soul set to be free. The honourable people, my society they claims to be the perfect ones. The social norms, values ,respect they all are precious but what about me? my dignity my prestige and my honour? I feel like I am so lost between the socialism and manners. I feel like my education is divided between mannerism and grades. What I gain is no longer matters. What matters is how I sit, I talk, I behave, what matter is cutlery should on right side or the left, I should put my chair in while I leave the place. Why the generation above devalued us like this? If there duty is just to make us a LADY or GENTLEMAN then who will be teaching us how to face challenges in our lives, what to when we suffer from depression? If now not then when they will learn ??

- illusiOn ~

Knots !

2009-11-30T22:16:00.001+05:00

Hey guys.. The four letter word TRUST made me post here at this odd time of night yeah I know I will be able to post it tomorrow evening but guys you know what I am writing it here at 3:00 a.m .. WL announced the contest I am surely searching in my idiot brain and forcing it to vibrate and make me know something to write. Day was hell at start but later it got OK as I was not feeling well couldn’t come online. Now as I told you this four letter word.. TRUST made me write, though I completely unsure of what to write and how to justify my words I surely will give it a try.

I am still unsure of this word, strange is the not the definition but its effects. I am really surprised sometimes that how easily it can knocked down. ( guys by this I am not mentioning anyone particular talking generally) Honestly you tell me, sometimes its easily broken and can never be mended. Sometimes you feel after covering a distance with person in a relationship that you never trusted the person while the journey not even a single moment you did. My word web gives me definition that any other soul can give but definition they were satisfies me. In my mother tongue this TRUST is known as e,ti’mad which means ( let me check my Urdu dictionary for exact meanings) Yeah it says; ‘ kisi cheez ya sheh par bharosa rakhna ya us par apna dar o madar rakhna ’ . This means TRUST means to be dependent on someone or to rely on someone.

Few days back I got an SMS which gave me another example of TRUST it said;
‘ Have you ever seen a baby, when you throw him in air he laughs instead of being afraid that is TRUST because he is sure you will catch him, he is safe ’

May be you agree to this well, to some extend I do. But what put me into a dilemma is why then its easily knocked down, if its down will the person be able to gain it back. Common now don't leave a comment saying time heals everything, or things go around they can be sort out blah blah. I know all the logics, I understand the terms and conditions that are required to survive in the beautiful land but still sometimes TRUST can never be mended..

- illusiOn ~

Sib’s

2009-11-30T21:46:00.001+05:00

Hey you all people around me how are you? hope doing good.. Its been late since I have shared some good happy go stuff here. So here I am with something close to my heart. God created us and through our parents we enter this world of ours. Siblings are the xtra bonus thing added in our recipe of life though this spice is been deducted in few people recipe of life. Anyhow among all your siblings a sister is a gift. Seriously guys! reading this post keep an image of your sister and feel what she is to you and how you take her. Siblings are the God gifted friends whom with we are so much parted. Distance when grows I know its unable to realize but guys siblings are given to us so that we can cherish every moment of life with them. Sharing, gossips, fights, it all so happy going. You never realize but your success lies with the bonding of your siblings. So my this posts goes to all my siblings… And a message to all bloggers make friends… but make your siblings your friends first. Through a very access to internet yes its true the world is like a global village but deep down I feel we are getting parted from our family especially the understanding is evacuated. Its important to realize that there is no use of a bundle of friends on virtual world or real world if you a lonely, depressed sibling at home. THINK AND CHANGE..

Felicitous Wishes 2 all..

2009-11-30T21:39:00.001+05:00

Hey all people! Its time for celebrations… I hope you all will be having a great EID.. Though girls usually don't like this EID because its too smelly and they are quite afraid of blood and all.. But from my side.. HAPPPY EID MUBARAK TO YOU ALL.. MAY YOU HAVE A SPLENDID EID DAYS..

- illusiOn ~

Evanescent Relations...

2009-11-24T19:47:00.002+05:00

Ever wondered why people leave? I mean why the cycle of replacement is always on? Why someone enters and at the very same time people leave? Even knowing that there is no replacement of them possible? Is it natural, or psychological? are people insecure or they completely lose their ability to think and understand before doing all this..

Well well ! All these thoughts they belong to each one of us and we all hold these questions deep down in our .. [ what I should say heart or mind ] lets assume SOUL , we all hold these in our soul....yes! perfect line ( I won’t be appreciating if anyone of you commented about this line that it could be better bata rahi hon main! open your ears and listen argh i mean open your eyes and read chup chap se.. ). Relationships.....they’re quite important when it comes to living. Relationship is not just about having someone special in life. Its all about relations from siblings to children, from friends to colleagues, from a stranger to a neighbour, it does comprise of all of that. We actually are too complicated to be stated that’s the reason inventions never end and so does our complexity. I believe its all about handling things. Yes! we all need a guardian angel cast upon every single day, every single moment. But the distance between angel and us is not that easy to cover. Its all about handling. We all are human, the superior creatures of Allah because of which we are too proud and hence commit mistakes. Leaving nature of mankind aside, its difficult yet very important to understand and balance the need and requirement of not only one’s self but other one's too. Here we usually lack, we are generally too busy with our lives, expectations and perceptions that we hardly focus on the other one. If we are focusing on the other we stop considering ourselves which lead us to complaints and misunderstandings. The only thing that helps is your standing position and the distance you covered in the mutual understanding. Actually we all revolve around some kinda axis of our own. When we know someone their axis is linked with us.. As they say opposites attract, same goes here. You need to be opposite to each other in positions but not definitely in mutual bonding. Whenever you have a friend standing on a EXIT door make him leave in a best possible way ( best could vary from cries, sobs, shouts, screams anything you do just do best in that particular genre ). Always welcome people standing outside the ENTRY gate with a little mystery left behind, comfort them and take their breath away… Enough I said.....so ENJOY…

- illusiOn ~

Boohoos!

2009-11-24T15:59:00.001+05:00

I am brought up with a statement ‘ Crying makes your nervous system weak ’ but I never quit crying. I stand with my words I never quit though I started hating it years later. I have been taken as a very weak person in my family but years back they were forced to change this petty little comments. I am a very strong person and that's because I barely keep things in my heart I put it in here (my blog) or drop it in my diary I own. this way I am always able to re-go through things. Secretly, I heard once crying makes your eyes beautiful. Obviously I am not talking about that puffy nose and watering image, the later results… :P I love shedding tears and forget it later if I don’t I face phases like DARK TUNNEL..

I remember once my brother made bet that if I cry for 30 minutes with a consistency he will take me to the ice-cream parlour I want to go to. Left me with no bloody choice I had to cry for 30 minutes but then I made myself sure that even he takes me to the parlour I will make sure he gets punished for that :D beautiful childhood… ahh :)

- illusiOn ~

Siblings~

2009-11-24T15:51:00.001+05:00

To be honest last day was not my day had been very much frustrated and very much sad. But what really help was talking to my brothers. My virtual brother STEPHEN ANTHONY , who is having his birthday today 24th November and Azam bhai.. thank you both for making world a better place for living. I gave surprise by calling ste.. brother A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you :) may your wishes come true.. Yes! my friends helped me too Vinay .. who can forget.. Maverick.. thank you guys..

Its good to have siblings like I have.. :)

-illusiOn ~

Submerged mɜ!

2009-11-22T19:16:00.001+05:00

Growing up, being much mature then your actual is age sounds thrilled, excited and adventurous. You actually are smart, intellectual and above much aware of things then others are at your age but actually a great problem lies here. You are the odd one out, much more difficult is your competition then others have of your age as your maturity level is high and so is your approach. People like these are absolutely normal if surroundings let them be a normal person. I have been into this world for the past 18 years, like every other kid faced challenges but I never understood relationships and yes! I failed. I know many people here will come and say I am wrong but believe me I am the one who never had relationships like I wanted, there is no way that I am going to blame the people or the surrounding of mine. I certainly and proudly accept that flaws lies in me.. Yes I am tired, I have been titled to be the most negative person of my family but I want to tell all my people that I am no very much tired of losing myself again again for some moron. I know its way too harsh of me calling some respectful people of my society as morons but I stand with my words. I am listening to one of my least favourite bands “JAL” I guess its good listening to people you hardly want to listen. There is no problem with them but I guess there music is not my type. I am extremely sorry boys. I don’t know why I am writing all this but not for sympathies off course. I hate when people make their own way of looking at my personality guess my impressions are never that strong. I feel like my body if of this era but my soul it belongs to decades back may be the 18th century. Yes I lie that I am happy without people who left because of no reason yes I lie as I find no other way to survive with the fact. Its easy saying ‘ accept and move ’ I have accepted, even forgiven but how to erase my memory?? I don't know. I don’t have complains as I know fault is mine I choose wrong people or I may say I choose wrong time to be with them. Friend! you are right ‘ A cup of tea is a cup of tea, and a business deal is business deal ’ , and you know what I still don’t know the difference.

I don’t know how long it will take me to forget all what had happen, it was never that severe, I accept it never was but I am still unable to leave it in my past. I have been away and I was missed by myself the most. I am a hard-core, and yes I am not ashamed of what I am surely I can bring changes in me but only if I feel like. I need friends like every other person of my age but the problem is I don’t know what suits me best. What’s my combo of friendship. I guess I had enough on my account, I better get going and hit the sheets. Its late, almost morning and if now I don’t go to bed I will be knockdown by my mother as she hates her children spoiling there morning sleeping.

Chaos!
- illusiOn ~

A view..

2009-11-17T22:54:00.001+05:00

This was not the very first time that I came up here and I lied, I have been coming here for years. After every few routine weeks I need some time to come up here and lie. I never understood the relationship I and this wall shared. I don’t know what’s the connection between us but definitely its there. Its crazy of me believing that this wall understands me well or it understand what I say, observe or feel. I know it doesn’t but I enjoy being here. Its nothing like I am isolated or something its just sometimes its nice to view world much smaller then it is. From such height I only can see small but many cars all over the road. World seems much lighter then actually it is. The view is entirely different and incredible. I will suggest try it but yeah only on your own risk :P . I have been coming to this place since I was a kid. That time I used to come here only when I got angry or dissatisfied with the rest of the world. I used to hide here and show my attitude to rest of the world(family). Then there came a time when I used to come up only when I was tensed and now I come here just to have another view of world , entirely different, odd but fantastic. :)

- illusiOn ©

Sick.. tired.. and..

2009-11-15T23:52:00.000+05:00

Do you actually understand what TIRED means? come and ask me I am actually tired. Physically i am not.. but actually i am. i want to be alone yet i want to be surrounded with people. I dont want ny1 to advice me but yes it doesnt means I dont want ny1 around me ...

My Favorite 10 Letter ‘ LONELINESS ’

2009-11-07T20:16:00.001+05:00

LONELINESS .. my favorite topic of discussion as I generally don’t agree with the definition of many things defined by people or my web dictionaries even the Cambridge one. This word certainly top’s my generations list. Before I move on with my views, perspectives,opinions and ideas with off course THE SOLUTIONS lets see how our dictionary defines the 10 alphabets holder LONELINESS. My WORDWEB gives me the following definitions;

The state of being alone in solitary isolation
Sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned
A disposition toward being alone

Personally, I don’t believe any of them. STRANGE! is it? well, I say what I believe, I have my own definitions and laws.Umm talking about the first definition, I believe there is a difference of approach as there are two sides of every coin. I remember a friend asked me year back; ‘what is LONELINESS? is it bad or good?’ I replied ‘ it depends, depends on .. the type of isolation’ , my friend replied ‘ type of isolation, wow! I never knew isolation even comes in types’. I typed ‘ Yeah ! they come in two types 1. Loneliness that you chose 2. Loneliness chosen for you or I must say gifted you by people. If your loneliness is of type 1 then you will feel better with in couple of minutes but if its of type 2 its definitely severe’. Couple of minutes later I got a call from my friend;

‘ Do you actually believe what you just told me ’
' Well, yes I do that's why I said '
' This is weird , from where you get this ideas I meant the definitions '
' Why? what you have to do '
' Obviously demolish the factory '

Even if we look around we can easily feel the difference. According to the human nature its difficult for a person do something imposed on them, even you make them do the exertion lasts for long. Considering myself, I would say it happens a million time when I felt isolated in middle of hundreds of people. And there are several times when I enjoy even I am all on my own. Ideas/Solution for LONELINESS no.2 ( my definition) will be given if asked :P, as I hate giving advices in crowd. I know only 3 to 4 people read my posts but crowd means ‘ More then two people at a place known as CROWD ’ hehehe

- illusiOn ~

A Reply! – ( From The Dark Tunnel )

2009-11-04T22:42:00.001+05:00

I came back to my room and wore my night suit. I took the band out of my hairs and lie down straight facing up the ceiling. I have a black ceiling by the way. Its odd but I like it. Staring helps , whenever I feel like tired or want to sleep and I cant I use this therapy, with a blank mind, no thoughts I stare the ceiling of my room. The dying hope made me shiver alot of times when I have to think, manage and fight. I have no ways, ideas or formulas to beat my enemy with but I cant sit idle even. I cant see my self drowning in the sea of FAILURE . Yes I never faced FAILURE and today even I wont see myself idly with a dying hope and FAILURE laughing on me. I am the PRINCESS , yes I cant hear NO and who say their NO can effect my life but it will effect theirs for sure. They could do alot better if they would have hired me but who cares, they were mature enough to decide on there own. I went down slowly brought CLASSIFIED to my room and started viewing it. After an hour or two when I my eyes were tired and almost closed I made my way back to bed and just before I could go to the world of dreams I heard a voice

SO PRINCESS HERE IS YOUR ANSWER! DON’T WORRY I AM THERE, FOR YOU WITH YOU

ALWAYS!!!

TO BE CONTINUED..

- illusiOn ~

To God, With Love ! - ( From The Dark Tunnel )

2009-11-03T00:36:00.001+05:00

And then after so many days of mistrust and disbelief I finally decide to write to God. You must be thinking how fool I was then did I ask you think or tell me what you are thinking . I sat down on top most roof constellate with stars , moon observing me and I wrote down;

To Allah!

I don't know but I am very dishearten by you, help me gaining my faith back. I don't know why all this happened but it did and I am not liking it at all now its your responsibility to make feel better instead of living it on time to heal me. I am yours and this is the only reason I am writing this letter to you. I know people here will take me as an insane but when I care about it? Did I? No! Allah I know something better is hived away in near future but then why we pray and ask things from you if you are going to provide things in a better way, in its best shape? Why you said in Al- Quran that you give to those who ask you to? I don't know if my talks make sense to anyone but I know it will to you I am sure as you are my creator. If my mum understands me so well so does my dad then I am dead sure YOU the one who love me more then 70 mothers surely understands me far better then I understand myself. Help me! I know you are around somewhere near me but still I need you. I know things will go by and then I will be on a track towards success but this is hurting me. I know people who are consoling me are resource of you only but this way its hurting even more. Sometime I feel like drowning myself somewhere but then I remember how difficult it was for me to recover from it last time.

Waiting for an answer!

Love you Allah ..

And I wiped my tears off and tear the page from the diary and it flit away before I could grab it .. I smiled Allah definitely was watching me and this wind took my letter to him.. =) ..

TO BE CONTINUED..

- illusiOn ~

Sentiments ! - ( From The Dark Tunnel )

2009-11-02T23:28:00.002+05:00

I don't know why I was rejected and so my colleagues who got chance to work there, the place I always dreamed about. I felt liking punching them on their nose straight but then what there fault was. They were not the people who kicked me out. I considered myself a very religious person though people in my surrounding may disagree as I don't seem to be one. Yeah its my mistake that I don't offer prayers as regularly as I should be but my prayers were rejected for my betterment I don't believe it even. I know there must be something that was missed may be the faith was not that strong by me only my LORD loves me like no one but I never understand few things and I don’t know whom to ask as people have a different stories within them and I hate sharing my beliefs and faith with anyone, within my family even. I don't believe when people say God didn't gave you this even on your so much pray because this was not good for you, I think that we only pray when things go beyond our reach, when you are drowning even then only you ask for help not always you do that. I wanted Allah to console me, silly of me I know but it was hard for me to believe that I was rejected by them after such a great interview. The thoughts of mine always hit me hard like this only. I know soon everything will be fine this time will too pass by but what to do in this time is important. I know or I don't now, I’m on a last stage of nothingness. I agree I need counseling only if there is any chance that Allah comes to do. I know I am just not a normal bloody human psychological case, I am superlative so I need HIM only. I know its so selfish of me to think about my mishap rather then thinking about bigger ones but that is in human nature ( best excuse no? );

Understanding is if that difficult,
Burry me deep in soil,
or let me play the game of mine,
The moments are to be cherishes don't spoil,
I am not gonnna die I wont play safe,
Stronger I am not a foil,
I will fight till the end make a bet,
So what if problems coil...
It can be restarted if its end,
I will wait so what if today I am roil,
( I know the poem doesn't make sense but ..)
TO BE CONTINUED..
- illusiOnv ~

Tidings !

2009-11-01T22:37:00.001+05:00

Hey guys you know today we are back to our timings.. ahh! this means an hour back. I have an aptitude test tomorrow , Yeah I am little nervous but I am pretty much prepared this time. I don't know how easy this time it will be but I am consciously prepared still not sure how I will be reacting if I wont be able too… but why negativity ? I have promised myself to always look at a brighter side of the things and from this I start. I am putting all sad songs not in a recycle bin but with all the songs. And guess what? I am writing like hell.. I don't know what this is with me but I am happy with this as I really missed my writing skill since 23rd June . Dark tunnel was hard passing without my writing thing. I am more into it this time what they say yeah BACK WITH A BANG. Its 4:14 a.m and I should hurry as I need to sleep …

- illusiOn ~

Troglodyte ! ( From The Dark Tunnel )

2009-10-30T00:35:00.001+06:00

I hated people , highly isolated me was deep in pain and loss. Though at my outer core was at peace but I wish someone could look into the hidden me , someone who could see my busted aims, future and above all my shattered soul. I wanted consolation but as I mentioned before too I didn't wanted people’s sympathies. Totally confused, completely drown in my own injuries. And then it rained, I was sitting on one of the stairs bemused in my thoughts. Rain made me wet but I was not in a mood to leave my place so I sat there, facing the sky, keeping my eyes closed. I felt rain droplets on my face rolling down. I was all wet, completely soaked, and then there came a point where I felt like losing my strength I wanted to shout I felt like God was there after days of mistrust and incredulity I finally was gaining my trust, my faith back. But I couldn’t as before I could act on my wish I heard a horn down my main gate and I had to close my mouth as he (my dad) was here. Tears came out of eyes combining with droplets of rain rolling down my face towards nick making shirt wet. I wiped my eyes, I heard my cell-phone ringing. It kept on ringing few times and then it was quite may be because of battery as I didn’t recharged it since 3 days. That night I missed my mama the most. Though several times she tried talking to me and on call she did her very best to console me but it was hard for me to stop my screams at the edge my vocal cord only before they could come out. I left my virtual contacts, real friends, relatives, my own family, I was quite like never before. The feeling was odd and was giving me a real pain. It made me felt like I am complete loser and a failure and this was the very first time. [Yeah yeah! I know there always comes a first time] …

I decided to stop thinking about everything and give my mind a rest. I left my routine and started a new one. August was tough but September was the toughest. Eid was there just wround the corner and even Ramzan started, but couldn’t pay attention on anything. I knew I lost my complete focus but I tried my hard not to show others till I retain it and get back to my track. I always believed that ‘we never can back to the previous track as we always move ahead with more and new things in our hands , with more experience and guts to face the new up-coming challenges in future. Well, that's my own theory or you may call it a stupid philosophy.’

Yes! I hated the fact that at the age of 22 years I was still without a boy friend. Its nothing like I am desperate but yeah! sometimes it hurts, the complete loneliness hurts. I wanted a person to love me like he loved never before but … Its stupid of me to wish for a guy when many other things that I could easily with only rising my hand were still out of my reach. Yes! I believed LOVE but its good to feel it as a dream, its not possible in real life. People here may would disagree but I am not a new born. I am 22 year old woman to be.

I am a person who rarely listens to heart why ? because ‘Backwas karta hai yeh sala!’. Its always put me in crisis, always making me having mishaps and I am tired but sometime back I read a fact file where they said;

There is no connection between heart and emotions because of which when you get stressed you get heart-attack while when you get emotionally hurt you get a nervous break-down.

I don't know how correct this is and who cares as all these things gave me nothing but a strong strength and I am sure that these all disasters are only in there my life just to prove how STRONG I am..

To Be Continued..

- illusiOn ~

P.S ( guys please no assumptions this is a story rather then calculating the reality and fantasy enjoy, feel and cherish a girls life)

Tricky Ideate!

2009-10-29T00:02:00.001+06:00

I want to see you and that's very important not for me but for our relationship . I am tired of being scolded every time because of your absence. Its when not my mistake that you are not here then why I am punished. I know you are busy but even then, what is my mistake. Definitely its not me who is keeping you busy its your work.

Abeela!

I got this mail early this morning and I had been viewing it from time to time during this day. I had been into a great relationship with my wife since last 4 years, We made a great couple together though we still our differences in between but that's what marriage is all about NO? Abeela is my 22 year old wife whom I married at the age of 24 as a result of love. Being with her yes its still is a blessing for me and I love her more deeply then I actually used to do before. I couldn't understand why she is saying all this on email while we could talk face to face about it. I picked my cell-phone took her name out from my list and pushed the dialing button but then I ended the call and started typing a mail to her.

Dear !
Who said its your fault ? name me the person. Abi you are very important for me. But today I am very much disappointed by you, you could tell me all your feelings in bedroom which we share, you could tell me all this in our private moments. I never felt like you wanted to say anything to me else I would have asked. I know its my mistake that I am most of the time unavailable when you need me the most but honey trust me! I am doing all this for us. Your essential to me , necessary to me like breathing for our respiratory system. I can still leave things for you but at least you can like my girl, come and say it to me on my face, don't go away from me and turn your back like this..

Yours
Edd..

Writing my pet name down I got a thought in my mind after years I wrote or read my name Edd, as Abeela and I were now married but does getting married means you are losing romance from your life ! The feeling was awful I wanted to see my better-half's face, I wanted to hide my face in her black hairs..

So I left the studio as early as I could took my car and hurried off. In the middle of my way of home I took a minute out and got orchids for her as she loved them rather then rose. I left my car in drive way only. I rushed to the door ways took the duplicate key opened the door and felt the silence in the lounge. I rushed towards the bedroom but it was empty too. So did she left me without letting me explain.

To Be Continued..

- illusiOn~

Conjured! ( From The Dark Tunnel )

2009-10-27T22:32:00.002+06:00

Keeping mom in my mind I tried hard not to get pissed off and live, at least pretend that I am fine. I had a responsibility of a father who was still not good in state of health, I knew if I just showed him how shattered I am he will take it all on his head. Life was never a piece of cake to me but this was surely not the worst. I went quite, isolated though I knew its of no use. I always believed escape is not a solution. It never is but what I need was a little silence as my soul was tired of wild and crazy noises that were banging my head hard. I left coming online this doesn't mean I left internet but yeah! I quite blogging, chatting, almost every mean of communication. Switched my cell-phone. Although I knew I cant take this attitude of mine as long term but that was the only thing I could do at instant. And then I got a call from my mom whom I was avoiding because yes the rejection was not easy for me. I never been through a phase where I could bear a NO , I was a spoiled yet a favorite child of my family. My father couldn’t bear a single tear in my eye. I talked her and made her sure that I am doing fine as from such distance nothing she could do except of getting worried for me which I didn't wanted. Although I wanted to tell her nights are the most unbearable part of a single day . Sleep was all I want but each time when I go to bed I feel like I can never sleep so many ‘Why’s’ ‘if’s’ and ‘buts'’ hit my mind hard enough that the sign of sleep vanishes away. I wanted to yell in front of her , I wanted to show the pain I have restored in my heart but couldn’t as I was not a perfect daughter but still wanted to be one. I felt like I am lost. My MP3 was filled with low numbers, colors were replaced. I felt like I am loser even with all love of my parents I was a complete failure. My mom cried out when she came to know that I am considering myself as a loser. I wanted her to be back but my lips were sealed I was conjured by the fact that I have to protect my parents and have to make them believe that no matter even if I am loser I know how to take care of my loved ones..

I needed an stair case to climb up , up to success, to brightness but all I could see was nothingness and it reminds me of ecstasy …

- illusiOn ~

P.S ( This is fiction+reality so no offense. Its a journey of a girl who went down because of a mishap and then how she gains her strength back )

Flavors Changes! ( From The Dark Tunnel )

2009-10-27T00:57:00.002+06:00

A broad smile touches my lips, due to excitement I had in my mind, life and heart. Finally I am getting a Job , tomorrow is the day, my day, a day for which I have been waiting since quite a long time. After tomorrow I will be able to smile like sun shines, I will be able to feel the beauty of moon. By tomorrow I will friends with stars again. I close my eyes but who wants to fallen sleep and fantasize, when reality itself is much more beautiful then dreams.

It was surely not the first day but after very long time I watched sun waking up , stretching its rays all over the part of Earth facing the sun. After very long I said goodbye to sleepy moon, moon was tired as we both were awaken all night together but one was fresh other was tired. I yawn and got my best outfit out, took my favorite shoes, glossed my lips, lined my eyes with coal and hurried off. My stomach was having butterflies in it. A smile hit my lips as I sat in my car. With in 20 minutes we were at our designation but these 20 minutes were the hardest one. I always was aware of the fact that I am impatient person but today I was sure of this. Rushing inside I saw a list , my heart raced fast, hands trembled and I felt hard to lift myself forward. Nervously I move ahead though I was very much confident that nobody can saw NO to me when it comes to this profession as I am just not good but far more better then other willing candidates here. I took a deep breath and search the list, searching from one page to another a glimpse of darkness touched my heart as I couldn't find my name anywhere. I went to the office and when I ask the receptionist there she told me the worst word that my ears ever heard. She said I was not selected because I couldn't pass the interview. I ask her to call the manager their as he was the person who called me yesterday and gave me the news that I was selected . I met him and in the very normal tone I asked him why he called me when I was not even selected, he asked my name and said he is very sorry as what he did was a complete mistake. My heart stopped working or it was just a feeling, I was numb and with glasses on my face covering my black teary eyes I rushed back to my car. On the journey back home I saw my mobile lightening a number of times but couldn’t hear anything. As I reach home I asked my driver to leave, with a spare key I entered the house as quietly as I could. I placed a note on my refrigerator saying what I want them to know;

I climbed up the stairs, reached my room and slowly I dialed an international number though I know she was far away from me but with this I also knew one thing more. If anyone else could understand was I was going through was definitely her. Knowing that the time zones are way too different I kept a secret hope that she will respond and she did. Hearing her saying ‘HELLO’ my heart pumped back hard and I could only say this;

‘ Mama I lost ‘ I broke down as if I never could be joined back. As if somebody pushed me from stairs of 100 steps. I felt I am shattered, noises were wild in me as they are when a glass collides with floor. Yes! once again the flavor of life changed.

- illusiOn~

PROLOGUE! ( From the Dark Tunnel )

2009-10-27T00:49:00.002+06:00

Hello everyone!

As I stated previously I would like to share my recent happenings with my pals so here I am with a different experience of my life from which I passed few in these few months.. I believe we all go through this black tunnel of life where there is a deprivation of hope, unlimited insanity and lots of expectations from loved ones to understand the facing one. This is a high time where the hard timer wants to be pampered by loved ones and at the very same time wants no one to make them feel as if they are very special. Depression is on its peak , negativity is the only thing which touches the heart. I believe FROM THE DARK TUNNEL is for everyone who are in the tunnel or are finally out of it making the darkness lighten by the shine of their bright future!

It is not a story or I must say its not just a story neither all is real , this is a combo of fantasy + reality so that you all wont get bore or too depressed.

Hope you will enjoy!

- illusiOn ~

Just a thought..

2009-10-25T21:05:00.001+06:00

I want to this and talk like this till late in the morning . I am sick of being mistrusted, these misconceptions . I am not even in a mood to tell anyone not even myself what’s going. Mom I love you for supporting me too much..

Vacation ends..

2009-10-23T00:15:00.000+06:00

Oh yes! I am back after quite a long vacation. Thanks Vinay for support and pulling me back towards blogsvilla . So here I am with Alpi N Andi series ( yes they are on track ) , with Sam and Adam on WL ( Tainted Love, I hope people there still remember it. Atleast I do ) and yeah I have something very new I went through a difficult phase so will share that in a form of story too.. I hope no problem that will cause..

- illusiOn~

Back..

2009-08-04T14:39:00.003+06:00

Hey all!

Guess what I am back.. yes back with a bang.. I know that I was disappeared since 23 june ( as that was the latest by me ) um doing great.. yes I am chnaged.. planning to chnage everythingon this blog.. so please join my hand.. ARnav.. i need you... Ste.. though you never visit but i knwo you are there Bro.. Hassan.. i know your by my side.. Maverick.. :) .. Vinay... thank you for always being there..

Please guys i need your prayers tomorrow is an important day in my life..

Love you all !

-IllusiOn~

A Note For My-selF!

2009-06-23T23:36:00.002+06:00

Today I have so much to say.. But finding hard to fill words with my emotions, feeling as if my emotions tap if once got opened , the bottles called ' Words ' wont be having much space to have them but still I want to talk , I want to share every single day of mine every single feeling, every single moment of my life.

It tough for me yes it is. This way of life I never seen neither I lived but now I have to live and have to make decisions on my own though in past even I loved to make my own decisions. I never liked anybody else making arrangements for me or taking advantage of my unwilling nature. No matter what I felt in my heart I always stayed quite, clam and strong in front of others. And for that I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

-illusiOn~

Wait..

2009-06-20T23:37:00.004+06:00

He left her three days back , but couldn't bear distance so he, today was back. He knocked the door but nobody answered so he used her keys to unlock the door. A mess was waiting for him as he entered he saw cloths, frames, pens and everything on floor. Picking up everything that came between his way he finally reached their master room. He knocked but again no answer so he checked the lock and opened the door. The room was empty but back door was opened and there he saw his girl sitting. He went in the room and touched her from back and then his eyes saw the worst thing of his life, his girl's body touched the floor. He hold her hand but her body was cold, as cold as ice. His face turned pale, tears rolled down and he said;

' So Honey your wait has comes to an end '

-illusiOn~

P.S( an awful attempt)

Sculpting - Towards Success ~

2009-06-16T22:30:00.007+06:00

Sculpting - Towards Success ~

It was Monday 14Th June '09 , at 12:00 p.m luckily I woke a little early then usual ( my class starts at 1:00 p.m ). With loads of ease and relaxant in my every act I left bed and focused my eyes on television. At 12:30 I started my break fast and at 12:45 p.m I hurriedly left my home for my class. At 1:10 I reach there and I got hooked as entrance room was opened but the main room was locked and there was no sign of Sir. Saleem. I passed the stair cases from 3rd floor to ground and ask the receptionist where Sir. Saleem was, as on 2Nd floor nobody knew where he was. God ! Receptionist told me to wait there only. This time I avoided stair case and choose the lift after all lifts are to be used. No? After few minutes Bisma ( my only colleague ) came and guess what? she had keys. We speedily place our things and rushed to make clay ready for modeling. There came our teacher with a good news that clay is just to be soften we don't need it to make more harder. Sir Saleem told us to make a slap of 6x6 and of 1 cm ( a cube again ). After 1.5 hrs it was of this shape.

After this Sir. Saleem told us not to get worried about the perfect shape. We will make it perfect with a scrubber and a scale. But before that we need to make the clay a little softer to avoid scratches and all. We sprayed water with help of spraying bottle and it was like this;

I shaped my slap with a scale and a scrubber firstly from the sides then by the surface. And it turned out like this;

And like this;

Our next step was to draw leaves on the slap with help of pencil first then by pointing tools. I choose to make two leaves over lapping one another. And for that Sir Saleem explained me how to make such. According to him, we need to make the bottom leaf first and then to make the top one avoiding tools as modeling will be done only. So I draw something like this with pencil first;

Then I choose a surgical tool placed on a left corner of the rooms and started shaping my leaves which turned out like this;

After making the outer shape I started making the centre line and decided to make the inner side of the leaf on the bottom one.

While on the other hand I chose upper one to be outer side and a crumpled shape at the end with a little turn showing inner side and with that we had to pack up as it was 3:30 p.m ( 30 minutes above our class ). So we sprayed water placed a wet cloth and a plastic sheet ( thick one exclusive for this clay work only ) and with that all three of us ( me , Bisma , Sir Saleem ) left the room.

Today at 11:50 p.m ( how early I wake up hehehe ). I left home at 12:45 p.m again :( awful of me and reach there at 1:12 p.m. Bisma was already there making her second leaf while I was left with both. She came before me I guess 45 minutes before and I had to complete the task with in my time. So i took of the plastic sheet and the cloth and sprayed the clay and my slap with water for clay to be soften;

I with coils of clay, made the bottom leaf's border and it was something like this;

I made the bottom leaf with a little depth in the middle so the detailing can work well and it was like this;

We make coils like this placing little quantity between the surface and our palm and move it a little and it splurge like this;

And finally it turned out something to be like this.. Ahh.. After two days of hard work and patience this was the resultant ;

Here are different poses of my first project. I am so very happy for this. Cant even express how happy I am;

-illusiOn~

(I am so very happy after making my first project will be working on POT making again with modeling only. Keep on waiting..)

Sculpting - EncOuragement!

2009-06-11T01:02:00.007+06:00

Sculpting - EncOuragement!

Wednesday morning at 12:28 p.m I woke up.. Definitely was late for class ahh this sleep ( I am sleepy girl nah? I know I know ) I took a rickshaw and left for institute. There as I reach I hurried off for the office to take away my institute card / pass card ( its necessary, as a guard checks it ). Unfortunately receptionist took a little longer then usual. Finally at 1:20 p.m I was in my class, Sir. Saleem was not there, my luck I guess. I quickly rushed towards the floor side to get ready with clay before my teacher arrives. By the time I made my clay ready he was there. Tough my teacher is not at all strict or something but still timing do matters as this thing do consume alot of time. So when I was done I took my clay along me, took a stool from another room and was ready for a module making of a sphere by clay. After 45 minutes of hard work still it was nowhere, not even close to what I was hoping. Phew! After 100 minutes ( just imagine ) this was ( look done picture no. 1 ) was the result. Though left side was not at all round shaped but it was heading towards what I want ;

After making this my back was badly paining as we have to work in a standing position and have to move round and round to make a perfect sphere. OK OK I know you could obviously observe bottom right side could have been better but I am not perfect and if I would have done that this could make it worse because of weight that clay has of itself.

OK ! This is a distant view as I tried to cover the backside even, so my friends can have a little view in what kind of place their doll ;) is working ( sympathies please ! now mav. don't say it doesn't matter where you work .. blah blah when I say sympathies that means sympathies me PLEASE ) :D

And this is a much closer view so you can observe sphere like I did hehehehe;

Last but not the least this is a 3-D view ( if I am not being wrong ) Ahh it was fun..

Next time that is on Monday we will be working on slap of clay.. Keep on waiting...

EnjOy!

-illusiOn~

Sculpting - Fasten The Seat Belt..

2009-06-10T00:14:00.006+06:00

Scultping - Fasten The Seat Belt..

Ahh ! Today was my first practical class of Sculpturing :) yeah! It was fun absolute fun. Thanks to Mr. Saleem ( my sculpting teacher ) , he do have faith in me and so I have. I made a cube today with help of clay ( coils of clay actually ) man believe me its tough ahhh! Its took me too long may be because it was my first day but I will learn with time.. definitely..

Wanna have a view? Take a look;

Phew! It was tough then I thought.. and you know what I made it a little larger when finishing hehehe God, Sir. Saleem was horrified as I made the mistakes then he fobidden me of..

Got a view damn! I was bashed.. I shouldn't have done this but then, we learn from our mistakes only no? :0 at least Sir. Saleem says so..

Will this is a distant view of it. A number of coils of clay lined up ahh it was missive.

Ahem ahem a closer view can you see the curve on lest side.. What a cube..

Last but not the least this is an up view of a cube much better then all but I think images no 1, 3 are better too.. What you say? Tomorrow is a sphere making class will post what I will be doing.. till then ChaO's

--illusiOn~

ThanK yOu~

2009-06-07T17:25:00.001+06:00

Thank you guys for missing me, getting worried for me. I was away for a week because of some eye problem but now I am perfectly fine. And yeah offcourse ready to churn more.. :) Thank you for remembering me in prayers..

-illusiOn~

Falling Down ( I love it )

2009-06-01T00:29:00.005+06:00

Phew... !! You know guys today I fall down for the third time.. wow na.. Well I kinda love this game . I love when I collapse down the ground and I get pain in my back woooohhh ah! I remember I was quite young when one of my doll fallen down and it was broken and I cried for like ages.. Funny no?

This time ( I meant the third one ) I was fallen because of trembling feet's of mine Thanks to them I collapse down the ground without any support and secretly I looked around hoping no one sees as they would laugh.. : but then I myself laughed loud as loud as I can...

:) I love when I collapse down the ground and then I leave myself lose and I keep on thinking how to fell down next time as I love this game. ( Don't.. don't b sarcastic : ) I love when I am uplifted by a helping hand that surely can come from unknown resource :) Half of the times this helping hand remains behind the curtain and I have to help myself but still I love the game as whenever I fell down and then I get up I feel extra energy with in. Energy , desperation , curiosity on much more higher level then it was before within me..

I LOVE FALLING DOWN.. COLLAPSING.. SITTING.. IMAGINING... DREAMING.. LOVING.. FEELING.. and above all EXPRESSING.. :)

-illusiOn~

Un-titled ( as I can never name it )

2009-05-31T23:43:00.005+06:00

You know I am out of words since last night. I don't have words, feelings or anything. I completely insane at the moment. I am again to my silent mode. I know I know its not your fault and I am not even blaming you but ... I don't know then whom to blame . You are still important I don't know seriously I don't know why. You mean so much to me, last night when I picked your call up I had so much to say, so many ' why's ' were there with in my heart but then when I heard your voice and a ' hello ! ' by you I was shocked honestly. My heart went wild like as it used to beat while you around. You remember her? when we cried secretly hugging each other ,we shared so much together then tell me what went wrong? So wrong that we are parted ? You remember the celebration we had about that engagement thing..? Do you? Do you remember the note you wrote for me in the scribbling book of mine. You always been there for me and so I did then tell me what went wrong? I never was bothered about anyone else but you! tell me why? then what went wrong?

-illusiOn~

A Nightingale ! ( My .. * )

2009-05-27T16:16:00.006+06:00

A NIGHTINGALE !

He saw her for the very first time while he was glancing round the area. She was dressed in red coat with a black skirt. She looked quite dirty one, but her looks made him stare her like fools. He never come across such beautiful, magnificent and wonderful eyes. Pain , affection, affection they have so much floating in them. She was without any make-over and honestly speaking she didn't needed one.. He felt bad for her who was now playing with mud. He went near by and said;

' Hey ' He wanted to listen her voice but she didn't respond

He few more times tried talking to her but she avoided and instead of answering she left the area. Next evening he again came there and found her in very same dress and yet again with mud. He tried talking but she refused like the first day, next two days he tried the same and got the very same results. After 3 days or so having flickers in his eyes he went close by, luckily this time she didn't ran away in lieu she continue what she was doing. He sat there without saying ' hello ' this time. Few minutes of silence she stood up and started walking and he followed her

' Hey ' He said with a desperation in his voice
' Hey ' he was amused as her voice was beautiful like she was but she continued her walk so he ran after her.
' Wait ' Racing towards her he stood right in front of her so that his body can make her stop
' What? ' She said giving him a hard look
' Err... just wanted to know your name ' He said avoiding her rudeness
' Tara.. ' And with that she continued walking
' I am Sameer ' He said from behind
' Good for you ' She said before turning down the tunnel and left him startle.

Later that evening he went to Boston for two weeks but there too, those two eyes followed him. He was a party boy but even in dances he couldn't take his eyes off the image of those eyes present in his mind. Following week he went to a formal date with Seliona Albert but instead of praising her beauty he kept on thinking about those features of an unknown girl which was instantly noticed by Seliona and this ruined his perfect date. On the day of his return again he was in trouble because of those two eyes and he messed up with a girl which resulted as a slap placed on his left cheek. Finally he came back next evening with flowers in his hand, words in jumbled order in his head he went to the lake side hoping to see her. He was dressed in a formal suit and hoped same for the girl as it would be biggest day for the girl, he was going to propose the girl as in his view he was deeply in love. As reach there his eyes search her thirstily but he failed as there was no sign of her. Finally at 6:00 he decided to leave while passing the oak tree he saw someone, an average looking old man with a brown hat in peculiar behavior as if he was searching someone.He looked around and finally his eyes caught her, hiding herself in an oak tree, with its leaves sitting on a branch, he quickly looked at the other side as he didn't wanted old man to notice her as he guessed the girl was hiding from the old man. He walked around keeping himself near by the tree and finally as the darkness arises old man walked away. Moments later girl jump down to the boys abatement she came toward him with a quickness.. Eyes that made him restless were filled with water. She came closer and hurriedly she put his hand on his coat plundering them and whispered;

' Give me a penny please! please give me a penny, he will kill me I need to give him the money give me the penny ' She said frenzily and without a word he handed all money he had from his wallet to her palm.

She dazed him for few seconds and then ran away, he sat down on his knees facing the sky. Tears roll down her eyes and flowers fallen down his hand . He cried silently without making noise but then only he heard something something scary which made noise, loud noise, a roar by the clouds and it rained. He felt like clouds were his partner in crime. He looked again the sky hoping that sky had noticed what just happened how he lost his nightingale. How he will be able to forget those eyes, eyes which had so much in them. Which filled by so much purity, hope, sadness, happiness, will he ever be able to forget them? He will never be able to come here again to see his chirping nightingale ... never again..

-illusiOn~

P.S( I wanted to make it for WL but then I will post it on weekend )

Timing..

2009-05-26T00:22:00.002+06:00

Different things happen with us on significant timings decided by the one who created us, He the creator, we all though are in circles, moving round and round, intersecting with others, we all walk from one circle to another with out leaving the axis (boundaries) this is how when we reach to North pole from South one other one find himself/ herself on the South one walked from South one..

-illusiOn~

A Stubborn Princess ~

2009-05-24T22:54:00.003+06:00

A STUBBORN PRINCESS !

I dont know why, and for what I wrote these lines, which are now very important in my life. Right after I wrote them I felt I wrote my brain out (I am not sure if this line even make a sense I am just scribbling what I am feeling). Check what I wrote:

' How I can sit in the middle of road with flow of heavy traffic ,

even when my feets are fatigued, how to walk?

who to call?. How I can shout in such a way that

my voice could be listen in between so much crowd.. How?? '

I shared this with a friend of mine , a very special person in my life and let me share what he said without giving you his name ;) ;

Me: i wrote this without ny reason

He: we r poets , dreamers we dont need reasons :) U can sit nt in da middle o f da road bt by its side.....watchin as life moves on relentless holding his hand to make sure u r where u want to be..

Me: i want to sit in the middle na..

He: when u feet r tired he'll just carry u, u r stubborn, arent u :P middle main kya karogi raaste ke

Me: yeah i am.. :)

He: nyways will find u a nice quiet sidelane

Me: proud one ;)

He: where u can sit all u want

Me: i want traffic to be stopped for me.. ;)

He: and u dnt need to shout to make ur voice heard..... so u want a traffic policeman :P

Me: i want to sit in the middle of the road like a stubborn kid..

He: throwing tantrums :P u wldnt need to shout to make urself heard....one look at ur eyes...nd he wld know dat sumthng was wrong...nd he wld run to ur side....to hold u...to listen to u...to ......love you

Me: no i dont want him i want crowd to beg me to leave the road so taht they can move on i want people to tell me that how important is it for them.. how important is my going moving away from road

He: Even if da crowd tell u...as stubborn as u r....ur not gonna move so he'll hav to cum along nd coax nd cajole u....nd finally wen u dnt liseen...he'll just pick u up in his arms nd take u away

Me: why u want me to dream when i want to forget dreams.. ?

He: bcoz I want u to c dreams which i knw u deserve nd i knw ull find sumone who'll complete dem fr u...wid u u dnt knw how special u r....wat u r....if only I could tell u... wat wld I not give fr......

So Let's dream.. :)

He calls me PRINCESS, and I asked him why he say so;

Me: why u call me princess?

He: jst a princess coz u hav all da qualities to b one :)

Me: wht kinda quality?

He: lets c u r talented hav a way wid words hav grace hav a temper...get angry u say u hav an ego though i havent spotted any nd most of all u r way too beautiful I wld luv to c u in off da shoulders white crimson red gown wid a tiara on ur head wid ur hair let down.. u wld luk heavenly, divine

When he described I felt like I am really a PRINCESS~

-illusiOn~

Silence..

2009-05-23T23:14:00.004+06:00

Silence...!

Ever heard the voice of silence.. Well I certainly wish to hear the voice of silence as I firmly belief it has a language, language that is unknown to most of us. I don't know how easy or how difficult this language is but sitting with resting my back on couch I am thinking just about it. Silence is what I can never explain it has multi-definitions very from one to another. I feel its just like love, no body can actually explain silence to anyone or can they?
Life has given me I guess more then I deserved but I belong to a group of people who are happy with what they have but there eyes are focused on what's coming next. Though I believe I don't have hunger of money, fame or all but I believe we all enjoy if we ever able to get them but I prefer back stage as its peaceful, calm and silent. Sometimes this silence hurts me but most of the time I enjoy it alot.

Sometimes I think,
I am nobody but a,
Lost soul,
Embolden by my loved ones who,
Now and then force me to live,
Comfort me with a acceptance though,
Eagre of loss still is with me..

-illusiOn~

my escape..

2009-05-22T22:23:00.003+06:00

I know I am trying to run away. Run away from life, its issues, the reality but I don't have any choice left. Or do I have? I don't know what to talk with people when they finally reach after taking time from their busy schedule all of sudden while talking I am left speechless all of sudden I am without hope, love and all. I feel loss of my emotions with passage of time its increasing the loss in getting greater and I feel no way out.. THE ESCAPE IS ALL I HAVE..

Something.. more then a relaity.. more then a fact..

2009-05-19T21:38:00.001+06:00

I dont know why i wrote it.. what made me.. but.. i did.. and here it is..

Mujhe hameesha aisa lagta raha k main or tum ik he kashti ke do muasfir hain or is guman main kabhi pata he naheen chala k main or tum na sirf mukhtalif raston k musafir hain bulkay humaray lkhuwab, mazilain sab he kuch alag hai hum to bas milay thay ghari do ghari k liye bilkul aise he jaise do musfir ik he rastay par kuch dair safr kartay hoay, saath chaltay hoay, ik dosray ko ik muskurahat se nawaz diya karte hain bas yehi haqiqat hai meray tumaharay is benaam rishtay ki. Han! mera gumaan tha tumhara saath .. tumhari humrahi, shyed meray lashaur k kisi goshay ki nanhi se khuwahish thi.. bas ik khuwahish..

Jantay ho ab jo yeh mulaqat apne anjaam ko aa pohanchi hai to yun lag raha hai k main lab-e-ja'an hon .. neem murda halat main .. tumhain yun yaad kar rahi hon jaise koi dam-e-marg sokhay galay main chubhnay walay kanton ki shidat se, us dard se bachnay k liye, ja'an kani ki halat main pani ko talab karta hai, bilkul aisi hi talb hai meri tumharay liye.. magar tumhain kiun fikr hogi k tumharay liye to aj tak humara rishta koi rishta he na tha to dard ho bhi to kiun .. Jana bhi zaroori hai k rasta abhi baqi hai magar jantay ho manzil par pohanchnay tak main har bar palat kar dekhti rahon gi k tumharay laut anay ka imkaam hameesha meri ankhon main rahega .. dil main rahega .. wajood main rahega.. Ab tum chaho lauto ya na lauto main is imkaan ko maqsad-e-hayat bana kar safar ki baqi sobatain teh karlon gi magar manzil par pohanchna ab or bhi mushkil hoga k humrahi ki surat main ab tum naheen honge.. Meri jeet par taali bajanay ke liye tumharay do mazboot hath naheen honge.. mujhe sahara denay k liye tumhara kandha naheen hoga magar ik tumharay janay se kia main akaili waqai hojaon gi? kia koi meray saath naheen hoga..? Agar yeh sach hai to phir .. Kia mera muslmaan kehlana khud ko jaiz hoga? Kia ik tumharay janay se mera har khushi ko bhool jana sahih hoga? Kia ik tumharay zindagi se nikal janay par main bilkul besahara hojaongi? Agar yeh saray khudshay sahih hain meri sooch sahih hai to kia mujhe haq hai main khud ko MUSLIM keh la sakoon? Main jo baray fakhar se 18 saal tak apne har forum par religion k agay ISLAM or MUSLIM likhti rahi kia main dhoka deti rahi har ik ko sameet apnay?

-illusiOn~

The " I " Factor !

2009-05-13T23:15:00.003+06:00

Silently I was walking along the shores.. feeling they are whispering something to me.. what though i don't know but they were defiantly saying something to me something that was soothing me.. my feeling and yeah my hot bloody mind.. Each time i try to resolve my mind from all crap but i get failed.. don't know why.. but I do.. I know i am miserable these days.. I know its hurting me.. as being away from my writing it aches, my heart does..

Destination ( From A Distance )

2009-05-06T00:32:00.007+06:00

For previous blogisode of this series click here

DESTINATION ! ( From A Distance )

He stout his heart and hope for a miracle, he was hearing her screams filled with terror but it was impossible for him to climb up and rescue her. He closed his eyes and then only something happened which he was not hoping at all. He hoped for noises , screams , collapse of Angelina but nothing such happened. No more he could listen to screeches so he carefully opened his eyes and saw Casber and Kate holding Angelina with their hands in a quite funny way. Casber was holding Angelina's leg while Kate was holding her hand. Anderio grimed though things were stressing but the picture was quite funny. Angelina was up in the sky, in a " X " shape. He took out his camera from bag on his shoulder and took a picture, an exclusive one.

Angelina finally was brought down with help of guides and was taken to the emergency camp. She had been given injection and got few stitches. All students were gathered outside the camp, waiting for Angelina to be in her senses back. Lena was so ashamed of herself even though it was not her mistake. Anderio was permission granted by Mr. Twir to sit their in camp near her. He was sitting right next to Angelina with stress on her face. Though he had book and music player in his bag but his life was at risk who would have thought of reading a book or listened to music, enjoy it. He was looking her, with her hand in his hand and was comforting her when finally he was revived as slowly she opened her eyes;

' Alpi ! are you okay! ' Anderio was perplexed.

She rolled her eyes and nodded her head as it was too difficult for her to say anything at the moment.

' See ! what happened. You made all of us so perturb. Lena is so embarrass and me you almost took my life. Silly! you are I told you not , not to go on hiking. I told you to sit and enjoy with me here only ' Anderio browbeat her but then he lowered his voice and said;

' You know when I saw you falling down I felt it so funny, you were up in the sky in a " X " shape.' He tried to divert her mind ( but honestly he felt like his life was exposed to imminent danger. In risk it was not only her but him even. he felt some one's about to take his life away from him, snatching it forcibly. But then when Casber and Kate show courage and risk their lives to saved her he felt myself revived) . He saw a smile on her pale face giving him feeling that she needs no explanation of how he felt because the distress was in his eyes.

Anderio's voice was soothing her mind. She knew he had been worried, he was bashful on leaving her alone on her own. He was blaming himself for all this but this incident was not his mistake, Atleast she can never think of blaming her so very special friend. She wanted to say all this but then her soar throat didn't allowed her too.. She hopelessly tried again to opened her sealed lips but he placed finger on them making them sealed again;

' Alpi! Doctor say you a4re not allowed to talk.. just relax.. We can talk .. you can curse me for letting you go , you can beat me even but for that all wait till he allows you to move.. OK OK don't make such faces I am kiiding.. Take rest alpi! we can talk about all while on return of our such beautiful trip.. errr .. off course I mean you can talk them and poor me.. will be listening.. ' He was trying his best to hook off her mind with stupid gossips..

With in next three hours, Angelina was allowed to go outside but forbidden for running preferred to be sitting on one place only as her head was still aching and her throat was still souring. All the evening Casber, Kate entertained her with Anderio and later when Casber went to play tennis and Kate went to few friend out there they both talked about their likes and dislikes with bag of chips in Angelina's hand and Anderio's hand in the bag they shared;

' I love every music.. from death metal.. to rock.. but yeah i dont like soft numbers much ; She said while eating chips
' Oh I love soft numbers.. they are my first priority ' Anderio answered while opening a cola can.
' I like horror stuff more yeah real stories are even good to me but i hate history and yes who can forget love stories simply NO WAY! ' Angelina expressed
' I am into romantic ones and history and geography comes second ' Anderio included while taking out chips from bag
' I love shopping .. I can shop for hours and hours.. my mom used to call me " Shopaholic angel " ' Anderio was not very surprised by that as when girls are completed without being shopaholic... They can always shop for long long time of period making others feel as if they are born to shop only.
' I barely go for shopping.. I hardly waste time on that ' Anderio said while hoping an argument on that like every other girl but Angelina refused his imagination to turn into reality as she said;
' I love riding horse.. I never did so but I would love too someday '
' Oh then you are with the right guy ma'am as I am good in riding and even know a place where I can make you learn riding even ' Anderio assured her that he would make her learn. And then he told her about a little incident took place while riding when he got slipped off his horse, he described the whole the scene in a awry way that she couldn't hold her laugh and she laugh until her stomach ached...

Angelina and Anderio cease talking when Mr. Twir and other teachers announced to pack there bags as they will be leaving in next 1 and half hour. Kate offered Angelina assistance for packing but Anderio rejected and prefer to packing of Angelina on his own. Although Kate had issues on it but she hushed up when she saw Angelina had no problem with that. Anderio left her alone in his camp and left for packing Angelina's bag in her and Kate's camp. As Anderio left she glimpsed the little camp which was messed up with things so she decided to pill them while sitting as nothing else was there for her to do. Then only she come across a paper teared from a note pad with something written on it, she started reading it slowly;

I stumble cross a moment,
Where my heart topped beating,
When I saw her falling,
Falling from so high,
Fallowing towards so down,
My heart scream,
I congealed with terror,
Feat that I lost her,
Terror of importance I had for her,
The fact that reason behind was me,
A moment where I come to know,
How importance she was for me.

She couldn't believe her eyes. They guy who was star of school, a champ, a hunk, love of so many girls was s emotional for her. The moment he described was shown clearly in his poem of what he come across. She heard the foot steps near by and hide the paper in her pocket as she doesn't want to tell him that she knew something that he didn't wanted her to know. She will never till her until unless he share this himself but the feeling was so pure, so touching, so close to her heart , that her heart cried out and few tears rolled from her eyes. When Anderio entered he saw her wiping tears off from her face and he got perplexed;

' Hey hey! is it paining? wait! let me see and call a doctor ' He hurried off when Angelina stopped her by holding his hand from his wrist.
' What? I am just coming na..I will be back in minutes ' She said nothing but made him sit right infront of her
' I don't need doctor and I got tears in my eyes and its because of happiness not for pain. I am so happy andi that I have someone like you. Always around ' She said in a full heavy emotional voice while wiping her tears off Anderio said in a chilly voice.
' Yeah ! and when I am not around God punishes me for not being around like HE did today. wow na? ' He winked and she smiled with watering eyes.

Alpi hugged Andi. Alpi wondered how beautiful Andi's voice and smile is while Andi was wondering why girls always cry either they are happy or they are sad all they do is no matter in what state they are they just cry..

To Be Continued...

-illusiOn~

P.S( Enjoy it um sorry for errors.. still learning.. enjoy it)
P.S( I love you people will like the second sketch the X state of alpi)

And the Devil Laughs Loud..

2009-05-04T23:15:00.002+06:00

I never knew why she hated " wait " so much.. She never had patience and was every time not so willing to have like one always screwed up in thoughts and dreams.. Dreams of the one she can spend life with. Dream of one who can be her " Mr. Right " with knowing that its important to search its important to .. but she was always in too hurry always in a rushing, running state. Life was now no more bed of roses of when it had been with so many people around what was her fault why she was created so different then the usual standards of her family. The mentality was so different that it had been hard for her parents, surroundings and everything to cop up with her. World seemed so unfair to her, she always felt like filled up with thought till her eye-roll and she hated life this way. She wanted to be senseless, she wanted to be feeling less, she wanted not to care like she does but she couldn't help her self.

Life was if same like with her then why all were not complaining, I want to, I always want to tell her Baby its same like you they do have problems but with passage of time it gets easy but she always complained why she gets into another before she gets out of one problem.. I don't have the reason of her questions.. The screams i hear when she say she hears a devil laugh near by, laughter that shouts her defeat. Defeat of self-control, defeat of love defeat of fate.. And i have to hear her scream with a the laughter of devil as I am too helpless, helpless like her..

-illusiOn~

Connection - ( Piece of the Action )

2009-05-03T00:00:00.004+06:00

For previous post please click here

CONNECTION ( Piece Of Action )

Anderio viewed the scene, where sun was just waken like him. He felt as if sun was also a bit sleepy still like him funny no? He suddenly got poked by a thought in his mind. He thought to capture this moment by his pen on a paper but then he had to stop as his one hand was busy in making his Alpi comfortable, she was resting and with that it was impossible for him to bend down and bring his note book out of his bag and give words to what he just viewed. In anguish he didn't noticed that his both hands were now free and were lying right in front of him on his lap as Angelina was up.

' Andi ! ' She whispered.
' Hey when you got up? I didn't reckon that' He asked with a happiness in his voice.
' Just now ! by the way I AM SORRY, I know you whole night comfort me with your hand, it must have been aching by now ' She sounded a little bashful which made Anderio languished.
' No silly it was so great you and me so close to each other just like our names ALPI ANDI. The feeling was so great and I even had a memorable photo that I took early in the morning while you were busy in your dreams. And you know while you sleep you smile like a small cute little baby. Lets take a photo now while you are up' Anderio asked Casber again to give his assistance and by the end of their photo shoot, their teacher Mr. Twir told them they have almost reached the place. This made whole crowd of students insane.

They got out of the bus as they reached the place,Anderio caring his bag on his one shoulder and Angelina's bag on other one while Angelina was too busy in taking photographs and was recording few especial memories in Anderio's video camera. Anderio's shoulders were aching but he was showing nothing. He came closer to Angelina who was shooting Casber's help towards Kate and throw luggage on the floor near a bench.
' Ms. Angelina Grace your porter is here at your service ahh ' He bowed in front of her who was now sitting on the bench.

Anderio said and collapsed near her which made Angelina laugh..

' God Andi ! ' she continued her laugh

Rest of the evening was passed by there games and chats. The weather was amazingly cool and cloudy and so was the view. Though at night it was risky being there but still they hope to have a good time there. Mr. Twir announced that students who wished to do hiking can go for it tomorrow as they do have a champ near 2 km away for here.

Next morning when Kate and Angelina, who were sharing a camp , got dressed , they went out and sat under a tree and talked when Mr.Twir announced;

' OK ! students who are interested please report in 10 minutes near the bus while rest of you can stay here and continue your activities ' With that he left the crowd with gossiping.

Angelina rushed towards the crowd, searching Anderio but she failed as he was busy reading novel in his camp ( Shocked.. well that's what Anderio is.. ) with ear pieces in his ears playing HEY THERE DELILAH by Plain White T's . Angelina when came in his camp lost her mind completely with view of his camp.
' ANDI ' She screamed but luckily his ear's were saved as he got ear-pieces in so was unable to hear her screaming. So she went a little closer took his book out of his reach as snatch away his ear-pieces.
' WHAT ! ' Anderio looked unpleasant.
' You are still in your camp ' Angelina said in a questioning way and Anderio wondered where else he should be then if he was not supposed to be in this camp.
' Where else I was supposed to be ? ' He speaks his heart out.
' Out with me.. for hiking.. Now common Mr. Twir is taking us for hiking.. Wow climbing mountain.. lets hurry ' Angelina said in tone of quickness with thrill , a hunger of adventure in her voice.
' Are you crazy? Who said I want to go for hiking.. No no I am not interested me not going.. ' Anderio said harshly taking away all her excitement away.
' Please Andi ' She tried again
' Why don't you go on your own.. I mean look please don't force me to go for this.. not atleast this time please Tell me why you want me to go? ' He was being definitely rude
' Because I want you to come with me ' She said in a low voice being bashful but Anderio was too busy in searching the page number of his book from where he left to continue from there only.
' Alpi please I am not going for any hiking.. Atleast don't force me this time Why don't you sit with me and enjoy ' He tried to sound polite at the end but time had already slipped from his hand as Angelina was hell angry.
' No Thank you Anderio. Enjoy your day I will go on my own.' Angelina left with anger and stubbornly she decided to go for hiking with Mr. Twir on her own;

Mr Twir with almost 20 students went to the club and there they got two training guides with them and under there instructions they wore things they provided keeping a rope in common for support and with that they decided to start hiking. Angelina was right after Lena Jones and before Sean Claud. Though at first she was fine but as her turn came closer her heart started beating faster and it went wild as her turn came. Finally she climbed up the mountain slowly with her fingers trembled with excitement and fear. She was above 30 feet's when she got badly infected by Lena's feet that kicked right on her head. Even though it was no Lena's mistake but it wasn't hers even. She lost her balance and with that she was falling down as rope of hers was no more attached with her . Her head ached badly, she closed her eyes with terror of death. While falling down, toward the ground she was caught by two hands in between.

' Not so soon honey! ' She heard Kate's voice just before she lost her senses.

When Angelina left he tried his best to continue hi attention towards the book he was reading he constantly failed as those two green eyes strikes in his mind every time he glance over the pages of book. The sadness , the pain present in Angelina's eyes when he said NO. He felt completely lost jinxed by those eyes of hers. So he left for hiking to make her surprise, make her happy again. He was among few last students including Kate while he heard from her that Angelina already was in mid of somewhere on mountain. When they started climbing there came a point where they heard yells from above and saw girl falling down the mountain. Anderio's world got lost as all he could hear was shouts of name of his Alpi, she was in danger, he heard that she lost her balance but then when she was falling down towards the ground he...

To Be Continued..

-illusiOn~

P.S( Avoid my mistakes.. and enjoy as you do it before..)

P.S.S( keep the love same for me.. and for alpi andi even)

Words when do magic..

2009-05-01T22:16:00.001+06:00

I am overwhelmed with a burning desire, a desire locked down deep inside, one that can't be concealed anymore, i long for one sweet kiss from you to quench my thirst, i long for one tender touch that will last a lifetime, at the end of it all you are my deepest desire...

:) Thanks Friend.. for sharing this...

Sorrow VS Hope..

2009-04-30T21:31:00.002+06:00

Well guys this all happened yesterday when me IllusiOn~ and Vinay aka LEO decided to track me out of sorrows by hope ..

Its a joint venture of our's hope to see your replies..

SORROW VS HOPE !

I am tired of these emotions,
This crowd on exit gate of my heart,
As only few wants to enter,
And so many are there to leave,

Emotions play with your heart,
They aren't meant forever to stay,
Let go of them, when they want to go,
And new joyous ones will find their way.

Way is what I am searching for,
And even cant find a escape,
Though I want to fight but,
I dont have a reson to stay,

Leave not the hope of escape,
They can't hold you captive forever,
Fight them, because you want to,
No reason could be better ever,

I feel the loneliness with in me,
deeper then ever it was before,
Tell me... Oh my friend!
When to attach with whom to fight?

If you are lonely, come to me,
From its depths I shall pull you through,
Your fight is with yourself, you can't lose,
Your words aren't an illusion, your heart is true,

My heart is not answering,
Its quite like never before,
I feel no shame as I have to accept,
Yes i am a looser and have no shame,

Knock with persistence, not giving up,
It is your heart, it will answer soon,
How can you tell you are a loser?
In this world of stars, you are the moon.

Moon is alone,
and stars make it more,
I need to refresh,
but how could I,

how can the moon be lonely?
it has many stars to make it smile,
think of joy not the unseen sorrows,
that which kept you going all this while,

Sorrows are what I can see,
As stars are making moon no more happy,
Who says I dont want to be,
Its just I am unable too,

Into my eyes, stare you my friend,
More than any mirror, I can reflect your heart,
I won't let you give up, it's not who I am,
Perhaps, all you need friend is a new start!

New start, is all I need,
But where to start,
and how to start,
is my question and have no answer,

You have written so much now,
So passionate, from your heart so true,
You did not think that you could,
Surely, this could be that start so new,

I today promise will restart,
but give me some time ,
stand closer to me and hold me tight
I may fell down i may go mad

Keep hope, don't see the dark ahead,
Light will beckon you soon my friend,
I am not going anywhere, will be by your side,
Will catch you when you fall friend.

I won't let you go mad with sorrow,
I will give you a bouquet of smiles,
Take the time, but do not give up hope,
Remember the good joyous times

Sure I will and dont you worry,
when friend like you is there with me,
Why I have to go mad why to fall,
So here I smile with a glee

Then use this as the start of a new life,
Let go off all the sorrow, all the strife,
Write this as an Illusion, but that is true,
Am now waiting, to hear that words a new.

Lets together we stand
lets together we move
hold my hand and her we go
With a new glow and new life

Onward Insi, destiny calls,
I will be by your side, always,
A friend to push you forward,
To find you when you have lost your way.

So here I thank you Vinay!
you helped me and you pushed me
Again towards the life,
towards illusion, towards yourself and towards WL

-illusiOn~

CONNECTION ! - ( A Kind Of Magic)

2009-04-26T21:54:00.007+06:00

For previous blogisode of this series click: here

CONNECTION ! ( A Kind Of Magic)

Finally it was Wednesday. Angelina had waited for this day since her teacher Ms Anna De More announced the trip. She was hell excited and was eagerly waiting for the evening and wanted time to fly quickly. she decided to make her bed first and then she went downstairs near the lounge where she dialed Kate's land line number;

' Hello! ' She heard an elder male voice , definitely it was her dad.
' Err.. Hi ! Can I speak to Kate William please...' She asked sounding very polite.
' Sure .. you can but can I know whom I am speaking to..? ' Other person on the call asked
' Err.. Its Angelina Grace ' Angelina introduced herself in a very sober style.
' Oh.. right please hold on for a second please ' She was put on hold

' Hey Angelina! how you doing girl ' Minutes later she finally was able to hear Kate's voice.
' Hi I am good . How are you' Angelina sounded excitedly.
' I am fine so.. feeling excited han? hats off to you as its you who is taking Anderio with us..' Kate was surely thrilled too.
' Yeah actually ... Kate wanted to know what to take on these kind of trips as I am very new...' This time Angelina sounded a bit worried.
' Oh dear no need to worry just take things which are easy to carry and don't forget to take camera and music player as you may need some moments to get captured for you as a memory .. you have one na? and yeah don't forget to take two or three pair of clothes with you ' Kate affably answered in detail for Angelina's question just to satisfy her.
' .. Thanks Kate.. See you in the evening in the bus.. ' Angelina hung up the call.

She was about to leave the lounge area in a hurry as she needed to make her bag when Catherine Grace, her step-mother entered the lounge and told her that she wanted to talk to Angelina..They both seated on a sofa with an awkward silence between them. Finally few minutes later the silence was broken by Catherine only;

' Angel ( that's what her father use to call her since her birth) .. I hope you wont mind me calling you with this name ' Catherine gave a try to begin the conversation.
' No! its fine with me..' Angelina really didn't mind Catherine calling her with this name.
' Great! So what are you planning to take with you on trip . i hope you are done with your packing. ' Catherine asked the same question which was bugging Angelina so much since the morning..
' No.. yet I have not decided.. Actually I am confused ' Straightly she answered as she wanted help and who knows from where this helping hand may arrive.... ( No?)
' OK.. Let me help you well.. with 2 -3 pair of clothes a camera and a music player or may be book will be enough with some packets of chips and some chewing gums.. What do you think? ' Catherine gave her a list and asked for sureness.
' I .. I don't have a camera and neither have a music player ..Its all at my mother's home ' Angelina quietly said
' No problem actually I had this in my mind so I brought these for you.. take them as a gift of 14 years..' Catherine handed her a wrapped box and Angelina with flowing emotions hugged her .

This was the very first time when she felt something for Catherine in her heart.

' Thank you so much ma.. Can I call you mom? ' Angelina asked her while hugging , all of sudden Catherine's eyes were filled with tears just like Angelina's
' Off course you can darling as I always believed I have five kids instead of yours and that obviously includes you ' She patted Angel's back slowly.

At 8:00 p.m Catherine drove Angelina to her school where two buses were standing out side. She entered the school and saw line of pupil taking badges from their class teachers she took her badge with her name, emergency contact number and her school name was written. She head towards the bus number informed her by Mr. Twir. Entering the bus she saw different faces but she was unable to see Anderio all over in bus so she tried asking pupil around her if anyone of them saw him but nobody said they did. She felt her excitement dying hearing No sign of Anderio. She saw Kate with an empty seat and she decided to get seated with her only as she was the only person other then Anderio who had been friends with her. She was no more excited and was not looking forward to this trip not anymore. She brought out a book from her bag and opened it, started staring it without realizing that she has taken more then 10 minutes just reading 1 paragraph of the the prologue given.

' Hey Alpi! searching me in this little prologue..' A whisper made her jumped off her seat she looked around and saw Anderio with a bright5 smile and fresh looks. He bowed Kate and winked Angelina back.
' Thanks Kate for restoring place for me ' He thanked Kate, who left waving hand to Angelina ..
'So .. Let me see .. Alpi was thinking Andi lied to her and he wont be appearing. This thought made her upset and due to this she was staring prologue for more then 10 minutes.. Right? ' He said as he put his bag down and make it placed down his seat with his hands.

Angelina was quite as she had nothing in her head except accepting that he was right. She avoided his glance over her and continued staring the book. He snatched away her book and made her face him by help of his two fingers.

' Alpi ! Common now I am here no? you want to sit with some one else that's why you are avoiding me and staring this not-so-good book? ' Andi asked with pain in his voice with sadness over coming it..
' Andi I am just feeling bashful on my thoughts.. that's sit ' She slowly answered while Andi slowly grinned
' Its ok my stupid alpi I don't mind now cheer up ' He assured her in a very low voice that everything was fine and few minutes later they completely were drowned in their talks..

They talked and talked and talked while enjoying chips , drinks and good numbers of music sharing music player's one earpiece in each one's ear. They even took some pictures of them and of different poses of people in bus. Finally without noticing they fallen sleep.

Casber left his place in the middle of night feeling thirsty while passing he saw Angelina's head resting over Anderio's shoulder while Anderios' hand holding her from back with his head over her's. Casber smiled with this scene, he went back to his seat took his camera and he captured these beautiful moments. He grinned while he got back to his seat after drinking water, glancing over the couple sitting in front of him.

Anderio woke up, he looked his watching it was 5:30 a.m. he carefully moved his hand from Angelina's shoulder and made her more comfortable by placing it on her head, moving his fingers in her hairs slowly. She was still sleeping, deep in dreaming she smiled. He took his camera out and asked a front seated senior to take their picture but Casber hurried off and offered Anderio his assistance. After taking few pictures he even told Anderio what happened last night and how in which state they both were sleeping. Anderio laughed but then got quite realizing that his laughter can break his Alpi's dream and she will be awaked. He slowly grinned as he thought ( It was kind of magic as he never cared like this for anyone before he never did something for anyone like this.. This was surely a MAGIC..)

To Be Continued..

-illusiOn~

P.S ( I hope you will enjoy this blogisode like you did before)
P.S.S ( Please your comments are source , great source of encouragement so please do take few minutes out of your precious time and do comment)
P.S.S.S ( I am sorry for mistake.. still learning)

The 50Th Post!

2009-04-26T18:59:00.004+06:00

Finally I am writting my 50th post.. feeling good and at the very same time not very fine :) still CONGRATULATIONS to me ..

-illusiOn~

Connection ( You Can't Deny It ... )

2009-04-22T00:16:00.010+06:00

For previous blogisode click here

CONNECTION !! ( You Can't Deny It ... )

' Class can I have your attention please! ' Its was loud voice of Ms. Anna De More, the history teacher.
' Ma'am! You have .. err I mean our attention is all yours' Anderio replied innocently with a smile on his face which changed the class atmosphere.
' Thank you so very much Anderio! I am grateful to you' Ms Anna taunted Anderio back

It 10:15 in the morning according to Angelina's watch which means 15 more minutes were there to abide , she yawned badly and glimpse the class where she saw Kate doing her geography homework, Casber reading a novel hidden with in his desk. She looked Anderio who gave her a wink with a smile..

' Ms Angelina Grace .. You mind if I burrow a little piece of your attention for few minutes ..' She had to look in front as Ms Anna called her name out..
' No Ma'am.... errr..... I mean Sorry Ma'am ' Class laughed loudly and she felt bashful but then only she saw something on her desk it was a little note saying "SMILE PLEASE " ;

' OK ! class now silence I want Please! I am here with a great news for you pupil. We are going for a class trip.. ( Class made a loud noise) Let me finish first .. Class trip is scheduled day after tomorrow i.e WEDNESDAY, this trip will be of three (3) days which means we will be able to stay for two (2) days and one (1) night . As the distance is of 6 hours we have decided to cover the most of our distance in night. And above all I want you all to come NO EXCUSES Anderio.. If you have any query do contact Mr. Twir, your class teacher.. and with that I leave Good day to you all '

Finally the bell rang and Ms Anna left the class leaving them crowded in groups, nattering about the up coming trip.. Then only Anderio grab a seat besides Angelina with his famous indifference behaviour.

' Andi ! ' She called his name, making her tone as low as a whisper.
' Yeah ! yeah I know she was sooo boring except last 10 minutes NO? ' He said excitedly

Angelina smiled as she knew how much his interest was in history and how much she wasn't . She was having smile on her face, her eyes were focused on Anderio's face who was writing something, when he turns his all attention towards her. He definitely was saying something but she was thinking something else when he finally decided to leave the seat ..

' What's the matter, where are you going? ' Angelina inquired him of.
' I think I was talking to you but you were too busy to listen what I was saying..' He was tempestuous.
' I was listening to you Andi ' She said the whole sentence in her normal tone but lowered it when calling his nick name, she frankly grabbed his hand which had a red-black wrist band given by her this morning only, for sake of their friendship.
' Though I know you were busy in thinking but no problem I am repeating my words. Its just Alpi I never go on trips.. I mean don't give me these looks I never go to trips I never did and neither have plan or wish to go this time even .. so don't you force me to go there Please! ' He was serious, though this was the very first time of Angelina to see Anderio in this way, alhtough he looked more handsome but Angelina loved his chilly and playful attitude more then this behaviour so far.

Angelina was quite and so was Anderio, both were drowned in their own thoughts. Both were full of words, full of thoughts even wanted to say something but were unaware of how to say them.

Andi was thinking : ( Please Alpi say no, say you don't want to go without me. Say you are not interested if its without me. Say you are not going because of me, for me. Please ! say.. )

While Alpi was thinking : (Andi don't say no please say you will go for me because of me. How I will enjoy if you won't be around ? How I can leave you behind while going to a trip for enjoyment? I want to go but with you. Andi please say you are going, say you were just kidding please! )

Finally the bell rang, it was recess time. Both of them were sitting, still were busy with there thought, drowned deeply in them. When only Eden, pal of Anderio passed by and gave him a pat on his shoulder to get his attention.

' Hey And ' Eden's voice made him back to the world.
' Yeah Edd? ' Anderio gave him a look which discomfort Eden.
' Err.. I was just asking .. aren't you coming down? Actually wanted to discuss the trial sessions for championship.. Errr only if you are free off course ' Eden was bashful with a feeling that he disturbed Anderio who was still busy in his thoughts..
' Edd ! Don't take me wrong but make it tomorrow please .. I hope you won't mind ' Anderio was finally able to understand and answer Eden back.
' Sure no problem ' So Eden left the class like others leaving both of them alone.
' Alpi ! ' He called Anglina for her attention
' Yeah Andi! Listen please first listen to me ( he stayed quite..) I cant I just cant make it possible without you. I can't go leaving you behind, we are friends best friends, so if you are not willing to go I am cancelling my plans for this trip too. I can't enjoy with feeling of your absence.' She quickly completed her words, words which were witnessing her trembled thoughts. Hasten can easily be felt in her voice.

Anderio laughed as he was hell inspired by the way Alpi used to talk, with such quickness in her voice, the changes of her tones from lower one to the higher one which she use to switch with in seconds, the logic's she had for everything and above all the haughtiness, dignity and respect she had for Andi in her voice, in her words, which cannot easily be neglected. He felt like he cant say NO to her, he just cant stand on what his wish was over his Alpi's wish.

' OK! I will go but what I will do? I mean I never went to a trip like this before. You know that .. I told you.. ' Andi was halfly ready for this trip and this was enough for Alpi as rest was not so difficult for her to handle.
' Oh common! nothing you have to do. Just follow me and I guarantee you, you will enjoy I wont let you get bored I promise now Please say YES you will go . Andi ! do remember I wont go without you.' Angelina snub Anderio's in the end of her sentence which was started with an obligation and which ended on a threat.
' OK ! I will ' He had to agree as he had no other choice left except saying a YES.
' Really wow! Thank you so much Andi! love you so much ' Angelina hugged Anderio tightly and placed a kiss on his right cheek.

He could feel the happiness in Alpi's voice, she was excited, thrilled and happy, all what Andi wanted her to be... always!. Hugging her was so sensational, he hold her tight and placed a kiss in return on her left cheek.

' Lets go down. Um hungry.. Shall we..' He apart her taking her hand in his and started walking .

They were in the middle of their way, when the pass by few junior girls and he heard saying them;
' Wow! nice couple.. They look so good together'

He smiled as he knew and he agreed on what they just said. They were so right. They look perfect together.

Angelina glimpse Anderio and then her eye rolled towards her hand safely guarded by Anderio's hand. She grinned slowly .. ( Everyone needs a guardian angel ) No?

To Be Continued...

-illusiOn~

P.S( I am sorry for bringing this soo late but .. still I hope you must have missed the series like I did and hope you will enjoy )

P.S.S( I am sorry for sentences.. still not good.. still working)

P.S.S.S ( Vinnay its for you.. and for every other reader who missed them.. including me.. )

Back..

2009-04-20T22:07:00.003+06:00

So here I am .. Finally back to my world back to where I belong.. :) I missed it every minute I spent without it.. Thanks to those who missed me...

Un-titled ~

2009-04-14T23:59:00.005+05:00

Un-Titled

It was 9:15 a.m when door almost banged.. Knock on the door was hell loud and still the girl in the bed was deep in sleep. Hats off to her obstinacy. she is ANIA ALI and this is her room. In this house she lives with two brother, 1 sister, a grand mother and parents. WOO The door is still banging..

' ANIA ! open the door ' She is off-course her mother.
' ANIA ! open the door you idiot. Just look at the time its 9:15. Aren't you getting late for college..' She screamed. The loud scream was this time successful as Ania opened the door.

Yawning, she give a look to her mother's angry pretty face and in slow voice she mumbled;

' Ma ! its Saturday and since when I go to college on Saturday. It's weekend ' Although she was right still she hoped for a scold..
' Fine if its weekend but dare you go to sleep, get up and dress yourself and then come down and help me in kitchen, No servants are provided to me by your father PRINCESS! Now come down quickly' She ordered and left Ania who was still standing with hand on door.

Ania turned around and saw AKIF sitting on bed watching her.

' Hey beautiful ! GOOD-MORNING! ' He said in his chilled voice.
' What Good morning? what so good in it. You listened to her don't you? Every time i am scolded for no bloody reason even if its not my mistake.' She complained while moaning.

Ania closed the door and set near AKIF, who was quite instead of comforting her, he was quite.

' Ania ! it's okay. She is mom na.. Always loaded with things. Don't take her words on heart dearie. She loves you ! Now dress yourself and go down, have your breakfast and we will meet after that.. OKAY OKAY don't you worry I wont go anywhere will wait for you here only. Now go! ' He ordered and acted on what he told her, she left the room dressed in pink salwar suit.

Downstairs it was all mess as it was Saturday and her two brothers were at home sitting in lounge playing some video game. She quickly walked in kitchen, luckily her father was there reading newspaper with all his attention on paper. Not paying attention on what was going around.

' AsalamOalikum ! Papaa ' She greeted him taking chair out next of his.
' hmm Walikumasalam ! ' He replied and then then folded the newspaper as his wife placed a cup of tea in front of him.
' So beta .. done with the break fast. ??' He inquired of her.
' No I'm about too ' She answered him and the n only her mother said in her rudest tone..
' Oh Princess what can I get you? How to provide you service Mam! ' She hate taunt as much as her mother enjoyed taunting and then only when she was about to say something as a reply of her mothers question she heard AKIf's voice in her ears..
' No answers ! no need of it.. Get up and prepare your breakfast yourself ' And she did what he said..

Quietly she got up from her chair without answering her mother and when she came back her mother was the only one seated on one of the dinning chairs, She seated herself next to her mother, this time with a tray of breakfast.

' ANIA ! I need to ask something from you and hope you will give me direct and right answer ' Her mother started the conversation with serious expression and down in Ania's chest something known as "heart' beated wildly.
' Yeah ! mom go ahead ' She said with trembled hands holding crispy break.
' Who is AKIF? ' Her mother asked directly what she shouldn't. Break fall down from Ania's hand, it laid down the floor but nobody was bothered both of them were busy in looking each other expressions.
' Mom! .... he...he.. ' She was about to answer when only her mother interrupted her;
' Dare you take me on the roller coaster ride this time. Tell me honestly AKIF is or else I will be speaking to your dad about all this ' She threatened Ania.
' Mom! he is a friend ' Ania tried to tell the truth but ...
' How do you communicate with him? I mean how you guys talk? ' Thsi time surely her mom was on rapid fire mood
' Yeah ! ' All she could do was what she just did.. Frightened she was..
' OK! have your breakfast and make him prepare to talk to me. i want to talk to him.. ' She said and she left the dinning table moving towards the lounge while Ania hold her head in her hands.. trembled hands..

Ania was frightened and was worried too as she came into her room and found it empty. After few minutes she heard her mothers footsteps on stair case and felt like she wont be breathing now.. her heart was not in her control now beating wildly she just imagined her life changing in next few hours...

' Ania! common dial his no. ' Her mother said while making her self seated on a brown coloured couch right in front of her...
' Mom.. He lives in my room.. I don't contact him on phone he lives right there.. " Finally Ania speak her heart out..
' HE lives here Wow ANIA ALI so where he lives tell him to meet me' This time she could felt her mother voice making fun of her
' I don't know when I got back he was nowhere but believe me mom he lives here with me..' She said making her mother assure of what nobody can believe with pale face having fear...
' Ania! fine don't tell me I am going to your dad and will ask him to investigate you who AKIF is..' She left the room, and Ania cried as this was the only thing in her hand. Just the she heard a voice
' Common dearie !' And looking up she saw Akif sitting next to her
' AKIF ! why the hell you hided yourself Where have you been...' She was exhausted..
' Ania Calm down please ! just RELAX ! He hold her in her arms where she rested her head on his muscular chest feeling safe and secure , without knowing that she .. they are been watched. Her mother was shocked watching her from the window opened in her room..

She have been always worried for their youngest daughter ANIA, since few days her routine was distracting Sadia's thoughts (ania's mom). After knowing that a boy is there in her daughter she went in balcony to think of what to do next. There she saw her in wierd situation through the only window of Ania's room opened in balcony as it was opened this time. She saw her daughter standing near the book rack and was having arms opened up in the air with head bended a little, as someone is in state of hugging the other one.. )Was she right that she lives with a guy but where he was?) Sadia was horrified and was startle at the very same time as what she saw was unbelievable, she rushed down leaving her child once again alone.. lonely and alone drowned in the sea of her imaginations...

-illusiOn~

P.S( hope you people will like it..)

P.S.S( Its not a pure fiction still do read & comment)

Rendezvous

2009-04-11T22:32:00.012+05:00

Rendezvous!

I checked my list once again to get assure that I got all I wanted and then I moved towards the counter, lined myself I waited for my turn. After shopping, I felt hungry so decided to go somewhere for a coffee. I set on a chair and glimpse the little cafe, which was almost full due to the lunch hour ( I guess ), and there I saw him. He was sitting with a woman and a man, Both of them had their back towards me so I was unable to figure them out as I knew all his buddies, mates, colleagues and relatives. Why I wouldn't as I had been with him for almost 3 years of my life. I place my order and relaxed myself a bit as after six months of depression and sickness of mind finally I was out of it. he pain of suddenly being single was killing but now I was enjoying my loneliness as no more I have to inform anyone of my routine, my life style. To nobody I have to place my justifications and to no body no more I am answerable. I was poked by the waitress as my order was here. I take a sip of my coffee and then once again I went to the ' World Of Memories', where was I and him just both of us no one just US.

I was here to this small town cafe with my friend, who wanted me to meet his girlfriend as I was his best man. We three were sitting , they both were talking sitting next to each other and I was there.. I guess i was called there to listen . They were talking, loud and passionate they were and the n only I remembered my time when I used to talk to her. Our endless talks, rapid questions, straight answers and stupid jokes. Remembering every word of hers and I just glimpse the little cafe, little but crowded. While looking my eyes focused on her, a girl in pink t-shirt with labelled something over a black jeans. No doubt she was a gorgeous lady. I wish I could see her from little close. She settled herself near the tree side and then I decided to go and give her a closer view.

He suddenly got up and guess what? he was coming closer. As the distance between was reduced by him, my heart started beating wildly. ( Oh my God).

As the distance was getting shorter my heart was racing. Who was she? Why I am getting the feeling that I know her. Shit! I forgot my specs. ( glasses). As I get closer I felt my heart racing and there I stood helpless as the secret was about to unrevealed who she was...

He came closer and stared me for few minutes and there his eyes flicked with expression of knowing me. He was my... After all he was my love..

' Hey is it you Anny Witson? '
' Yeah Greg its me '
' How you doing? '
' Good & you? '
' I am great .. Oh listen I got to go. Friend and his girl friend with me. See you later's..'
' Yeah sure...! '

We exchange looks and then he left .. I looked his back, my eyes chased him till his table and then he came running towards me. He came towards me and hugged me tightly and whispered..

' I am sorry.. I love you.. I am sorry forgive me but don't leave me'
' I love you too... '

I hugged him back.. I never wanted to leave him... I love him....

' ANNY ! ' Somebody screamed and the voice, it screwed my head..

' Ye.... yeah! ' I felt as if somebody woke me up from a dream.. " WHAT THE HELL' was I dreaming all that.. I opened my eyes and saw him there.. with his famous angry looks..

' Anny .. why the hell you not listening to the bell.. I have been knocking the door since 15 minutes.. ' God he was soo ... um Yummy! ;)

I got up and hugged him badly, whispering ..

' I love you don't ever try to leave me..' I hugged him tightly..

' Wow.. whats the matter girl.. han..? I love you and I am with you always.. What else I can do to assure you, in front of people I accepted you as my wife.. my soul mate.. Love you too always..'

Thank God it was a DREAM...

-illusiOn~

P.S( Thank you asbah for the title.. Just a try by me.. hope you will enjoy)

P.S.S(Thank you mav for helping me improving myself as you did last night what nobody can.. )

I hope soon I will write Andi Alpi...

I FactOr !

2009-04-10T20:47:00.003+05:00

My hand are trembled and words in my head are jumbled.. I cant write what I want too and Cant do what i want too. I am getting bitter and bitchy dont know the reason I feel i am too selfish for anything.. I am ust tooo touchy on things.. and sympathy isnt working.. I am no more creating things.. Alpi , Andi are though helping me alot to get better as I cvant write them without getting better.. :

-illusiOn~

Break Down..

2009-04-09T23:45:00.002+05:00

The silent me.. sitting on computer's desk.. sitting and thinking whats wrong with me. If what I am feeling is wrong then what is right? Things are not good with me and so they are not bad . I dont know how things are going ... I don't know.. things are complicated.. and..

Fool's Day!

2009-04-06T20:55:00.004+05:00

FOOL'S DAY!

It was late summer's night, when I opened my eyes after a bad dream. I checked my clock it was 3:15 a.m this means I had 4 hours more to sleep. I drink a glass a of water as I felt a little thirsty and then I lied in my bed again closing my eyes reciting quaranic verses. Just then I felt vibration of my cell-phone.I checked it was ' Ehsan calling.. ' blinking, I picked his call up;

' Hello ' My voice was a bit heavy I could hear it..
' Hey dearie! Why up so late? ' I was about to ask the same..
' You called to ask this.. Well dunno why I am up guess had a bad dream.. Why you are up? doing assignment? ' He always liked my way of asking so many things in just one sentence..
' Was.. yeah was a bit with this and that with assignment to.. still its left .. forget it.. I called to.. I wanted to say something.. ' I was hearing him but guess was not listening to him.. when he stopped i had to ask..
' Err.. whats that ,, tell go on ' I asked him..
' Listen you wont mind na.. I mean whatever I am gonna say you wont take it wrong.. Our relation wont be effected by it.. right na..' ( What he was up to?) I was unaware of what he was talking about but got worried on this disturb tone of his preamble start..
' You are OK Ehsan? ' I asked .. though my tone was not at all caring...
' Well i wanted to say.. ' He was stopped again.. God What was wrong with him..
' Ehsan if you are willing to say it then you better do it now.. else I am going to bed.. ' I touched the limit of rudeness this time as I was damn sleepy..
' Okay! Here I go.. I .. ! ' He left in the middle again...

God! This was surely the limit I ended the call.. Was turning my cell off when it ringed again.. He was calling again so had to pick up..

' Baby at least listen to.. ' He said in a sweet cuddling voice.
' I will listen if you just say what you want to instead of prefacing .. ' I was hell pissed off.. What the hell he was up to..
' I..' He was about to say anything just before that I felt I should warn him once and for all before he mess with things again.
' Dare you leave things in between now.. Say what you want too as after that I need to sleep.. '
' I just wanted to re assure you that I LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU and ERRRRR I mean.. I am Sorry I disturbed you ' He was quite right after saying these lines , but now me was at peace. Its so good listening these magical words from him full of emotions and love..
' I love you too.. now go to bed and sleep. See you tomorrow.. okay bye' I hung up the call.. Took my wallet out and looked his photo ( I love you) I whispered..

Its 4:00 a.m and I am still up. Tomorrow is !st of April and I planned with my friends that I will fool her. I planned I will tell her that I want to break my relation off with her but when she picked up the call and I heard her heavy voice full with sleep I don't know why I stopped. Something trembled inside me, something stopped me saying what I meant too. Each time I started a sentence something in my forced to stop and it made her angry.. I wanted to say what I planned but then only her picture came into my mind.. She in her night suit with cell-phone in her hand near her ear and tears fallen from her beautiful eyes. And this image of hers made me stop every time. I couldn't bare her crying all because of me. So I decided I wont tell her but then only she got pissed off and ended the call. The devil in me urged me to give it a try again, who knows this time my planned could be success. And I called her she was hell pissed off, angry with me and I opened my mouth but instead of saying what I planned I said what I shouldn't. I told her six magical words which she loved to hear from me in my voice the most. I told her that I LOVE HER & I MISS HER. Her tone was off a sudden changed, it was now soften and full of emotions. She returned me my words and ended the call. Was my love for her was that strong that I couldn't bear even image of her with tears in her eyes, YES I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.. SO MUCH.... =)

- illusiOn~

P.S( All is fiction.. I hope you guys will like it)

I Hate You Even More...

2009-04-05T22:23:00.004+05:00

I was hell pissed off since last night thinking hard about PAKISTAN and its future. I hate those filthy people whose hands are involved in this thing. While I was thinking what made people do this just then only i thought what we are doing with relations given to us. As I look at my surroundings I see pain, fights, sorrows and breach instead of love in relationships. Why its gone the answer remains a question mark for me. If we can give sorrows to our loved ones, relation in we r bounded either by God or by ourselves then why an unknown cant give us the pain of losing our loved ones!

I don't mind saying I am disturbed because of PAKISTAN as I feel proud that I can feel the pain not just that I can see it. I don't know how much others will agree but changes starts by the word "I". And I want to change the future of Pakistan. I am not in any party but I want to do all I can for the sake of PAKISTAN but I don't know why every other person is so okay with all whats happening.. But I WANT PEACE .. I NEED CHANGE!!! I HATE TERRORISM STOP THIS.. STOP THIS KILLING OF INNOCENT PEOPLE ON DIFFERENT NAMES ... PLEASE!

-illusiOn~

Too Good To Be True ! ( The journey continues)

2009-04-04T19:17:00.014+05:00

For previos blogisode click :here

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ! ( The journey continues)

Three days later it was FRIENDSHIP DAY. Everyone waited for this event almost every year as it was high time for students to make new friends especially the new ones. Angelina, when entered in class was startle, watching pupil talking in groups with bags lying on shoulders. She was expecting a scold for teacher as she was late then usual but here the situation was entirely different of what she thought. Calming herself down she moved towards the only girl she knew in class 12 yr old Kate, who was standing with few more students of her class having hand full of colourful bands.

' Hey! Kate..' Angelina patted her shoulder from back
' Hey Angel! Happy Friendship Day.. gimme your hand let me make you wear this ' Without noticing surprise on Angelina's face Kate made her wear a band, hand-wrist band of blue-green-and light pink shades.
' Geek .. Thanks but all this for what.. I... mean whats going on? No class ? ' Angelina couldn't hold her questions back.
' Don't you know! All classes are cancelled. Girl! it's "Friendship Day" . Good time for new comers like you to know your fellows better.. You have to do nothing, just select a person whom you want to be friends with and offer her/him this band.. person then needs to be your friend..simple and yes same goes for you, if someone offers you, you have to accept it ' Kate explained it well to Angelina but she still was confused with this new event as she never had it in previous school.

' Hey guys.. here comes Anderio .. Gosh look at him ' Somebody shouted. Angelina glimpse Anderio, he was wearing a white shirt and black pair of jeans. He was coming straight to her but why? ( he wants to be friends with her ? ). She was waiting for him to come to her and ask for friendship but when only she saw him turning to a gang of students ( his friends.. she guessed). She was preoccupied by his thoughts so she was unable to hear a voice behind her back.

' Hey! hello ' A Chinese guy was there, standing behind her back with an uneasy expression on his face.
' Hi ' She said affably.
' I am Casber Mand ! ' He introduced himself, so she had to do it too.
' Oh! I am Angelina Grace ' she said with a grin on her face.
' Can we.. .. ' He stopped his sentence in middle, his expressions changed from excitement to fear, she turned back to look what made him stop and saw Anderio standing with hands fold on his chest.
' Emmm Catch you later's.. Bye! ' He quickly said and left the place leaving her startle on his sudden leave..

(What was wrong with him? ) She wondered just then Anderio came closer to her.

' Hey girly! ' He said in a cheery voice.
' Hello! ' Angelina felt the soreness in her voice but he seemed not even noticing it.
' Happy Friendship Day! ' He hold her hand and made her wear a Red, black striped band with 'ANDERIO' written boldly on it.
' Happy Friendship day to you too' She returned the greeting, feeling no choice left.
' So where is my band? ' He was getting too frank right on her nerves so she gave him a gray black stripped band given to her by Kate.
' Let's go for a walk. Will show you school! Have you seen it before? ' He offered and she agreed.

They walk in corridors of school as classes were cancelled. Side by side they walked and he, Anderio talked.

' We are three brother, I am the second one. Having one sister, youngest of all. We live near the lake side & you guys? ' He gave her a brief a introduction of his family.
' Well.. I am the only child of my parents though I have half-sisters and brothers, We live near the mountain side ' In return she without even recognizing what she was saying she shared her biggest secret with him which she never did in past.
' You live with.. ' He started asking and then he left it in middle leaving it incomplete ( he was unaware of how much she hated incomplete sentences )
' I just moved with my father and step-mother with their kids as my mom wants to get married to her boy-friend and he rejected the idea of me living with them but I am happy with it as its better living with Dad ' Once again she shared what she shouldn't.
' Oh! I am really sorry to hear that ' His voice was full of concern.
' No! I mean don't be.. Err.. that's okay. I just don't know why I shared it with you I mean I never shared it with anyone not in family not with friends even. Don't know why I shared with you.' She said in a lower shaky voice that made him feel how necessary it was to change the subject immediately.
' So can we be best friends? ' He tried diverting her mind towards himself.
' Sure.. fine it is as long as its fine with you too ' Angelina could see excitement on his face.
' So .. from now on for me you are ' Alpi ' and for you I am....' He was thinking of something while she was thinking how easy it was talking to him..
' For you I am... ' He was still thinking of a nick for himself when she suggested..
' Andi ' This nick suddenly came in her head..
' Fine with me but remember these nicks are just for me and you.. No one else can call us by these names right Alpi ? agreed? ' He conditioned
' Done Andi ' She said with a broad smile on her face not knowing that she smiled after a long time. ( This guy surely knew how to bring smile on faces..)

To Be Continued...

Enjoy!

-illusiOn~

P.S( Readers please leave your suggestion & comments as I would love to know your opinion on this series and believe me your suggestions and comments .. they make difference in my life) :)

P.S.S (hope you enjoy reading here)

P.S.S.s( Forgive me for grammar mistakes and structure of sentences as i am working on them)

Take A Step Ahead!

2009-04-04T17:52:00.007+05:00

I was fagged and sweaty, after work so I planned to sit in balcony with cup of tea. Since morning weather had been nice and chilly wind was chanting my ears. I am happy? Was I? that's the question always echoing in my mind. I don't know meaning of happiness or I must have forgotten it like I used to forgot my lesson when I was little. But why no one know slaps me, punish me when I am not happy? Why no body notices that I am no more happy.. Is it because nobody have time or is it because I am not important but how its possible that I am not important for a single person in this big world? Where my friends are? Do I have to tell each time how I am? how I ma feeling? Is there no need of just checking by how your friend is? These questions sometime.. they bug me a lot.. As I finished my cup of tea I stand up and viewed the match happening down the lane, there I saw a little cute boy going towards each elder boy I guess they were not letting him play and he wanted too just then I saw he rushed towards the ball dived and caught it .. all the boys clapped and just after that he let him in their team. I don't know why but this event effected my heart and I wrote these lines;

Down the lane,
I saw you with wish to play,
While I was sitting in a cafe,
But elder ones wants you away,
Your heart was now not in your hand,
It had betray,
All of a sudden you caught a foray,
All of them shout a hooray,
And they all accepted,
you as a mainstay!
All you have to do is to say,
As no one holds for you a tray!!! (written by me)

Its impossible that all time you have someone to keep a check on you, to check if you are doing fine or you are not. So next time when you need someone all you have to do is ask for help as asking for help is not a shame..

-illusiOn~

P.S( We often feels nobody cares about us but its never true as all is about saying .. you have to express what you feel in honour to be listened and to get a company)